Everyday Thoughts. Collection of writings and poems.

Anxiety 2

The social side.
"I'm inside the mall baby, on the other side"
I was dropped off on the opposite side he had entered. My heart shattered, I had to go in there? Alone? Hell no.
"Okay... I'll be there in a second."
I had no idea where the store was. My nervous hands were intertwined, cold and sweaty palms. I was a nervous wreck. I feel like every is staring at me. Oh god, is something wrong with me? Maybe my purple hair stands out too much... Oh god what if everything thinks it's awful? Do I look okay today? Oh Christ... I was just here. I'm walking in circles. Where is he?

" I'm not moving, I'm just sitting here. My legs hurt." He texted. Of course. Now I have to find him. Hot topic! I'll have him come find me. Oh god it feels so much better in here. I love this store. Okay, calm down. Calm down. You blend in here. See the cashier? His hair is blue. You're fine, you look good, calm down.
"Come find me in hot topic" I text, trying to stop sweating.
"I'm charging my phone, I'm not getting up."
Oh my... Okay.. Well.  I am going to stay in here forever. Not like I wanted to see you anyways. Whoa, you realize you're staring through wide eyes? Calm down kid. I am, I'm cool. Everything's fine. Know one can see you back here.
" I don't know how to get to where you are anyways.." I say, hoping for him to find me.
No.. Nope. He gives me directions. Then he tells me I don't have to leave, once I tell him about my social anxiety bugging me. But no, no. It's okay. I'm not weak. I don't want him to think I'm weak. I know it seems like I'm faking, but I'm really not. This physically effects me. So, I step out of the store, head down, eyes avoiding contact, pretending to be on my phone. Walking as quick as I can without bursting with emotions into a sprint. Just stay calm. I see him.. Oh thank god. I sit by him and all seems right, I'm okay now. I'm by my shield.  I still feel like people are staring, but his confidence rubs off on me. It makes me feel safe.