Everyday Thoughts. Collection of writings and poems.

The Hardest Part.

Today I had to let you go.
She never got to say goodbye.
Then again, not many did.
A few came, made their due..
I was too afraid to watch..
I cried for you..
you didn't understand.
I couldn't guide you through this..
Hell, I couldn't guide myself..

Today was rough..
I almost lost a friend, as well.
Someone that I cared for,
All because I cared for you..
I still lost you, no matter my stupidity.
I guess it was unavoidable,
And all for the best.
You can't drown your demons,
Not sure why I even tried.
He didn't leave me,
I suppose he understood..
Still can't excuse what I did, or why..
Justified or not, I shouldn't have done it.

Today was painful.
I failed you.
Over a thousand times, I failed you.
I loved you.
Somehow I knew you loved me too.
You deserved a better life,
One I never provided.
I wish I could relive how it was..
How it was when I did what I was supposed to.
I've fallen down since those times..
You where always there to listen.

Today part of me died with you.
I could barely see you,
You couldn't see me..
Dramatic irony you could say-
I knew what was happening;
You were oblivious.
I wish I comforted you..
I didn't give a proper goodbye.
And so, I failed again.
The hardest part was the fall.
That's all there was, and no more.
I was comforted by someone else,
All I could do was cry for you.
I sit here still crying, remembering today.

Today I failed.
I failed you, I failed him,
I failed you all.
I should have tried harder,
Should have been a better person,
Should have kept my promises...
But I didn't, and I lost you.
However it wasn't a choice,
I could have made everything better...
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
I'm sorry I didn't love you enough.
I'm sorry I've wallowed in my own thoughts,
Leaving you alone and unloved.
I'm sorry I didn't provide,
I'm sorry.. for
Forgive me from the other side,
Accept me when I come to you.
It might be awhile..

Today was a new beginning.
I'm going to try to move on..
Everything will be different,
Since my life is changed with you gone.
I love you, I miss you, I'm sorry..