Astoria Must End

Face The Music When Its Dire

Josh's P.O.V

I woke up early in the morning. I checked the clock that blinked red lights. They read 2:07 am. This is gonna be a long day. I got up and walked to my living room to see Alex still asleep on the couch. I smiled.
I sat down next to her, on the floor. She seemed so peaceful. I poked her nose, and she cringed her face. It was cute.
Cute? Woah. What. I called her cute. What does that mean? I didn't wanna face it that I might even, with the slightest possibility be moving on.
How can I move on so quickly? She was my fiancé. I can't be over her already.
I looked down into my lap. Wondering what I did to deserve such a complex lifestyle. I would never change it though.
As soon as a was getting into deep thoughts, I heard movement from the couch.
I looked up to see Alex with her pillow over her face.
"Good morning" I said. I gave her a small smile.
"Too early" she winded.
"I know I know, but we gotta big day ahead of us!" I said, happily.
"Josh, let me sleep" she complained and turned around, no longer facing me.
I got up and laid on the couch beside her. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I felt how small the couch was, forcing us to lay extremely close to each other.
Her back facing me, I moved closer to her, trying not to fall off the couch.
"Um Josh?..." She said awkwardly.
"Sorry, I don't wanna fall" I chuckled.
She turned around facing me, as I draped my arm over her side to save space.

She smiled.

I smiled.

I kissed her.

She pulled back, looked at me with wide eyes.
How can I kiss her?! I don't have feelings for her?! I don't like her?! What did I do?!
She looked at me in shock as a bolted off the couch, and pacing around the room.
"Alex, I'm sorry, okay... I don't know what happened, I'm sorry, I just-" she cut me off.
"You kissed me.." She said with some emotion mixed into shock and sadness.
"I know, it was an accident" I said quickly.
She stayed quiet. She got up from the couch and gathered her things.
"Where are you going?.." I asked, sadly. I didn't know she'd take it this way
"Why did you kiss me then apologize for it?" She looked at me. I saw the emotion this time. I heard it in her voice. It was the same emotion I had when Amanda cheated on me.

Broken hearted.

I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. I had no clue what just happened and what will happen.
"I... I don't know..." I finally spat out, confused.
She stayed quiet, looked at her small hands, playing with her fingers.
"Maybe I should go..." She said finally.
"No, please don't"
"Why not?" She looked up at me.
I had no answer.

Why did I kiss her?
Did I miss Amanda? Is that why?
Do I have feelings for her?
Can I have feelings for her?

She was looking at me hopefully, with a small spark in her eyes.
I needed to choose my words wisely, and fast. I needed to face the music and think over what I felt.

This was time for me to face my music and find the truth.