Tyler's mom called me saying we needed to talk, it's not an unusual thing but the way she said it worried me. She texted me where she wanted to meet so I grabbed a jacket because it started raining. I put the directions into my gps and it led to an abandoned warehouse. Hm? I texted her saying I was here. Five minutes later she was at my window waving for me to get out.
"Tyler told me about you two," she started off. "You're taking advantage of him. He's in a vulnerable state and you are here trying to ruin it. Ruin his marriage, ruin his social life, ruin the clique. You aren't helping him in anyway and you need to know that Josh." She had her finger in my face as she said that. "You need to tell him." She said walking away. She disappeared into the darkness.
I stood in the rain, clutching my chest. Kelly is right. I'm not helping Tyler in anyway. I've ruined his marriage. His family and friends will disown him. All because of me. I texted Tyler, "we need to talk." Tyler texted back automatically. "Are you okay?" I ignored it and drove back.
I sat in my truck for ten minutes hating myself more and more because I'll hurt Tyler either way. I need to get it over with. I got out and went to his room, he was standing with his back towards me and my eyes filled with tears. I sniffled so he turned around. "Josh," he walked to me. "What's wrong?" He said wiping my tears, I pulled away. I can't look him in the eyes when I say this. I can't even say it out loud. So I leaned into him, my breath against his ear. I said it. I said what I never thought I would. Tyler clutched onto me but I pushed him off. Still not looking up, I can't look him in the eyes. He has to believe it. I turned to walk away but he grabbed my hand. "No, that's not true." He said as his voice cracked. I yanked my hand, "yes, it is." And with that I was gone. Tears filled my eyes causing my vision to get blurry and my heart to pound in my ears. I reached my room shutting the door quietly, locking it. I slid down my door, my head buried in my knees. The tears flowed out of me like a tsunami. I started shaking and got angry with myself for being like this. I punched the wall only causing more pain on myself. "I hate you." I whispered. "Get out of my head!" I begin shouting. "Get out!" I grabbed my hair, tugging on it. The voices were too much, they were all talking at much. "Stop!" I screamed. The voices stopped and I heard a knocking. I ignored it, and walked to my suitcase. Grabbing my blade, "you've always been here when nobody else was." With that I begin letting the blood flow. What did she do to me ? What is Tyler doing to me ? I hate everyone. The voices are back, they're shouting now. I can't control this anymore. My vision was blurry with tears and my arm was bleeding. But no pain was felt, which is what I wanted. This one little blade takes the pain away from everything. If I keep cutting, the voices will stop. I can overpower them the more I do this. I continued cutting the same arm repeatedly until I started feeling dizzy. "This is it." I breathed out and laid down. I let my arm fall and my eyes closed. I'll be okay now.
