Divergent | No War

24 - Tris! No!

Tris
Although i am together with Jonas now I still miss Tobias so much. Its been seven months since he went to the factionless. Seven months since my heart got ripped out of my chest and Tobias stamped over it. Everyone keeps saying i should just give it some more time. That time will heal all my wounds. But i know that this wound will take longer. Much longer. And maybe my life is to short for a wound that big to heal conpletly. I sigh. And roll over in my bed. Of course it got better. Just a tiny bit though. I don't show the others that i am still so miserable. I dont want to loose them because i annoyed them so much with my grief. I think they are already annoyed.
My alarm clock rings and i sigh again. Okay then. New day new luck. More pretending. Pretending to laugh. Pretending to eat. Pretending to be happy. But the hardest thing: petending to love Jonas. Of course i like him but love him? I don't know. I difinatly like him in a different way than for example Uri or Will but what i feel for him is not close to the things i felt for Tobias. But at some point he started saying 'i love you' and after a few months i said it as well. Not because i really felt that way but because i didnt want to disappoint him.
I put on a loose hoodie and my now about three sizes to big pants. Like that the people don't notice how thin i am by now. Not like i would care what they would say but it is just easier that way.
Jonas knocks on my door and i open it. He smiles at me. "Hey Tris." He pecks my lips and i set up a smile. "Hey Jonas." He takes my hand in his and starts walking. He talks about somethimg that happend to his cousin but i don't really listen. I feel a bit dizzy. I hold Jonas hand tighter to keep myself from stumbling. He doesn't even notice.
We arrive at the pire and Dannie already waits for us. "There you are! Come on Tris! Today we and the other dauntless leaders go and take a look at the factionless sector. With guards of course. I nod and peck Jonas cheek before i follow Dannie. "Could i just drink a bit of water?" I ask and hold one of the tables for support. "Oh are you not feeling so good? Well here you go." He hands me a bottle of water and i drink it gladly. "Thank you." He smiles. "No problem."
Outside of the building six guards already wait for us. One of them is uri and he smirks at me. I smile back a bit. He stands infront of me and saluts mockingly. I roll my eyes. "Good day ms prior. I am here for your safety today!" I laugh and punch his chest. "Stop that you idiot." He grins and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "No for real. I will watch that nothing happens to you." I take to fingers and lift his arm from my shoulders. "Thank you. But no thank you. I can take care of my own." He rolls his eyes. "You certainly can but my chief will kill me if i don't obey his rules and his rules for me are to take care of you." I sigh. "Okay. Then i'll have to deal with a pansycake at my side for the rest of the day." He laughs and then we start moving towards the factionless sector.

I step next to Dannie and tap his shoulder. "What exactly is our reason to be here?" "We are supposed to find out how many houses the factionless live in. The abnegation helpers want to know so they can coordinate their people better." I nod and step next to uri again as we enter the factionless sector. I don't really recognise anything here. The only time i was here was in the middle of the night and with tobias. I stop aprubtly. Tobias! What if i see him today? I don't think i would be ready for that... uri stopped with me. "What? What is it Tris?" He asks and lies a hand on my shoulder. "To-Four! What if i see him today? I am not ready for that! I can't - I don't..." i look around panicked. Uri wraps his arms around me and i lie my head against his chest. "Its okay. We won't meet Four today. The factionless sector is big. Its pretty unlikly that he will be exactly here..." Uri trails off and looks at someone behind me. "Uriah?" I hear a voice. A voice that i haven't heard in seven months now. A voice i loved. Tobias voice. "Four." Uri sighs. "Wh-who is that? Uriah who are you hugging?" Tobias sounds insecure. I slowly turn around and look at the boy i shouldn't love but still love with all my heart. He looks only slightly different. His hair grew longer and now hangs over his eyes and he has a slight beard. But other than that he still looks the same. The same broad shoulders. The same dark blue eyes i fell in love with. The same face. I stare at him in disbelieve and he looks at me mirroring my facial expression. "Tris." He says. His voice sounds weak and broken. "Four." I answer and notice that my voice sounds the same. The picture of Jana and tobias lying in our bed flashes through my mind and i have to turn away from him. "Uriah please get me away. I can't do this." The last sentence is only a whisper. Uri wraps his arm around my shoulder and wants to guide me away but Tobias jumps into life and runs over to us. "Please Tris. Can we - can we just talk?" He sounds vulnurable. "No Tobias-Four. Four." I quickly correct myself. "Sorry." I mumble quickly. "I'm sorry four but i can't do this. Not now. Not yet." I say my voice breaking in the end. I feel tears behind my eyes again. Tobias now is only about two meters away. "I am sorry Tris." He says and looks at me. I shake my head. My heart clenches. With every word he says the wounds in my heart rib open again. "Please just stop Four. I am not ready. I can't do that just now. Uri please." I stumble backwards and uri steadies me by my arm. "You okay?" I just shake my head no. "Tris..." Tobias starts again. "No! Its enough now!" Uri says strictly. "Just leave her alone. Just leave us alone. You hurt her enough!" "No you don't understand there-" before he can finish his sentence there are gunshots. Immediatly Uri places himself infront of me and draws his gun. "Tris in the house!" Uri shouts over the gunshots. Suddenly tobias is next to me, takes my arm and we start sprinting. I turn around. Uri still stands there. "Uriah!" I scream and plant my feet in the ground. "Tris come on! We have to go!" Tobias insists and trys to pull me with him. "No! I won't let him die!" I pull my arm out of his strong but gentle grip and run towards uri. "Uri! Come here!" I just reached him when i suddenly hear another two gunshots and a sharp pain hits me. I hear a scream that feels like it doesn't belong to me and fall to the ground. I press my hand to my side where the bullets hit me. Dark red blood already coloured my shirt. "Tris!" Uri and Tobias yell at the same time. I am unable to move. Every breath sends more pain through my side. Suddenly someone picks me up. I scream again. "I am sorry tris. We have to get you to a safe place." I hear tobias voice. "Help! Code red! We need help! Tris prior has been shot! We need help!" Uriah screams into his walky talky. The answer comes only a few seconds later. "Code red noticed! Give me your position!" The voice on the other side answers. During the whole conversation Tobias sprints with me in his arms through the streets. "Four wait! If i loose you they can never find us!" Tobias stops. "We need to stay here! They will be here in a few minutes." Uri explains and i see tobias nod. "Lie her down. Then we can take a look at her injurie." "Its nothing." I mumble. My tounge heavy from the blood loss. I am so tired. So tired. Just for a second i close my eyes but if feel a sharp pain in my cheek and open them again. "Stay awake! What ever you do - stay! Awake!" Tobias says and i see that he has a few tears in his eyes. I know that my body is weak. Months of not eating and drinking enough made me weak. Maybe i'll die now. Maybe i'll die without ever getting married. Without ever getting my own children. Without ever telling tobias how much i still love him. I open my eyes again. My eyelids are heavy. I place a hand on his cheek. "Tobias." I whisper. He leans over me and presses his hoodie to my side to stop the bleeding. Tears roll down his face. "Tobias." I say again. Finally he looks at me he looks stressed and terrified. "You have to go now. They can't find you here. They think you are dead." I mumble and my whole body feels heavy. He shakes his head. "No Tris! I won't leave you! I won't ever leave you! You promised you would day the same day i would. You promised. You promised." In the end he is fully sobbing. "I know." I mumble. "And i am sorry i broke that promise." He shakes his head. "No. You won't break it. You will survive this. You are strong." Tears now also roll down my face. "You are wrong. I am weak." I breath. I feel my eyelids getting heavy. "No tris! Tris!" Tobias voice sounds far away. "Stay awake please." Then his voice is gone and darkness embraces me.

Tobias
Tris head rolls to the side. "Nooo!" I sob. I feel her pulse. Its faint but its there. "Uriah where are the others?" Uri turns to me. "There." He points to a small group that sprints towards us. "You have to go Four." He says. I shake my head and look at tris pale body and my sweater that soaks with her blood. "Four you have to go! Now! Or they will see you." He kneels next to me and pushes my hand away and presses the sweater to tris side. "You can't do anything here. I will tell you what happend. I promise. Go now!" I look at my tris. My tris. I never got to say that i still love her. How much i adore her. I press my lips to her cold forehead. "I know you can do this tris. You are strong. I love you." I whisper the last sentence that even i barely hear it. "Four now!" Uriah hisses. I rip myself away from tris and run into a street. I run and run and run.
Eventually i reach the headquarter. The guards sees my coming and already opens the door for me. I just run past him and barg into the office of my mother. "Oh my god tobias! Are you hurt?" My mother jumps up and walks towards me. She looks at the blood stains that cover my shirt. "Did you know about it?" I scream. She looks at me confused. "Did you know about the attack on the dauntless leaders?" I scream again and tears roll down my face. Her face falls and she gets pale. "What happend?" I squeeze my eyes shut. "Tobias what happend?" She asks louder now. "They shot her!" I yell. I take a deep breath. "They shot tris!" I mumble again and sink to the floor. I burry my head in my hands. "Twice. They shot her twice." I sob out. Evelyn closes the door and kneels next to me. "Did she survive the gunshots?" Her voice is only a whisper. I rock myself back and forth. "When i left she still was alive but barely. She still has to get to the erudite hospital." I answer and press my face into my knees. "I saw the shot! I want him to be punished! Evelyn i want him punished!" I yell and jump up again. "I can't do that." I gasp and cross the room in two steps. "What?" "I can't punish someone for shooting a dauntless leader!" She says and pushes me away. "Just because this one was your ex-girlfriend." I let out a frustrated groan. "Why not! Shooting someone is a crime! Its a crime! Where did this person get the gun from in the first place?" Evelyn sighs and leans against her desk - her shoulders hunshed. "One time a few people managed to steal five guns from the dauntless compound. One i have myself. The other four i spread under the people i trust the most. They take turns on carrying them. If you remember i asked you to have one too but you denied." I rub my forehead. "Who? Who has the guns?" She shakes her head. "I can't tell you that. My best men carry them. I don't want you to harm them." "Evelyn, mum. Please tell me. I just need to know! If you want me to have friends tell me. What if i befriend the one who shot tris? Can you imagine what that would feel like?" I look at her pleading. "Tobias, i can't tell you that. I love you, but i can't tell you. I am sorry." I look at her for a few more seconds before i turn around and walk out again. I find myself completly black clothes so i look like a dauntless member and don't have blood stains on my shirt and then start walking, with my goal clear in my head: Finding the person who shot tris!