Divergent | No War

79 - I'll be your family now

Tobias
I lean my head against the cold wall and take a deep breath. I am not pure. I am damaged. Damaged. Damaged. This word haunts my brain. Wherever I look I only see that. Broken pieces, shattered windows. I don't even know in which part of this huge compound I am anymore. It is not as clean and sterile as the other parts.
A glass behind me cracks and I whip around. This girl, Nita, stands in the doorway I just passed. "Hello Tobias." "What do you want?" I just answer. She smiles kindly but I am not in the mood for kind talking. "I want you to fucking listen to me." She says, still smiling. I raise my eyebrows, she has my attention now. "I know what it feels like." She says. Just now I notice that she is wearing the jumper that only GDs wear. She is like me. "Well, then you maybe also know that I want to be left alone." She shakes her head. "No, I know that you don't want to be left alone. I know this is creepy for you but I have watched you on the monitors, and from what I saw you don't really like being alone. You say you do but you don't. Tris understood this. But she can't understand this. She is not like us. She is pure. She is different. David will talk to her and show her all this Information, she will believe it." I feel myself getting angry, tris is not stupid, she can tell lies and truths apart. "Shut up, don't talk about her like that. You know nothing about her." Nita nods. "Anyways, I just wanted to invite you." "To what?" I snap, getting more and more impatient. "To a meeting. Of GDs." "What am i supposed to do there?" She smiles again, "Just listen to what we have to say. Just listen." And then she just turns around and leaves. Leaves me confused and even more on edge. I hate it here. Everything.
I start off into the complete opposite direction she went and eventually find myself near the fence that seperates the bureau from the rest of the land.
I hook my fingers in the wires and press my forehead against the cold metal. I lean against the fence and sigh. I don't want to have to deal with this. I just want... what do i actually just want? To be with Tris. To be alone with Tris, somewhere where no one can find us. Raise our baby boy and then maybe get another child.
I sigh again. But that is not reality. I turn and face the compound again, that is reality. This is my reality. And Tris is here right now.
I don't want to see anyone right now though. Not even her. I face towards the emptiness again and lean my head against the wires.
I don't know how long I stand there until i hear the shout, "Hey! What are you doing here?" My head snaps up and I see a broad shouldered guard walking towards me. He scans me up and down and notices the outfit i am wearing. It's the one for GPs... "I'm sorry." He quickly says. "No one is permitted in this area." I nod. "Oh, sure. Sorry about that." He waves it away and I wonder how this would have gone if I had worn the outfit for GDs...

Tris
Nervously I pace up and down the room. Tobias hasnt returned yet. And it have been around two hours now... I wonder whether he is still talking to Nita...
At that thought a knot builds in my stomach, unrelated to the child inside. I shouldn't be worrying about that. I am carrying his child, I know he wouldn't cheat or anything... but still only the thought makes things inside my cringe.
I sigh and sit back down on my bed. I have no clue where the others are. When I came back they were all gone. Maybe Uri and Lynn signed up for the pilot training program. I lay back on the bed and close my eyes. Maybe I'll just sleep...
Just in that moment the door opens and someone comes in. I open my eyes and sit up. He is still standing at the door and just looks at me. He doesn't say anything he just looks. "Hey." Tobias finally says. I frown. "Where have you been?" He shrugs and closes the door. "Been walking around the compound. Had to think." i nod. He didnt mention Nita. He comes over to me and sits on my bed. I really want to kiss him but there is too much between us. Like a literal wall our fight hovers between us. He looks at me side ways and I turn to him. "It doesn't change who you are. Not for me, not for anyone important." I finally break the silence, feeling the need to clarify that. He nods. "I know... I shouldn't care but... damaged... it sounds so right for me. It describes me so well. Everything in my life is damaged." He turns fully to me. "Everything but you." My heart aches for him. He still viewed himself like that. Damaged. Even before his genes told him. "Tobias you are not damaged. You are whole and pure and perfect." "I am not..." "To me you are. To me you are everything. Everything I need and want. Honestly I don't care about anyone else as long as you are with me."
He pulls me towards him and I wrap my arms around his waist holding him close to me. "You still don't tell me everything." He mumbles close to my ear. I frown. "What do you mean? If you mean this morning with Matthew..." "No, thats not what I mean. I mean that ever since you came out of this prison you cry in your sleep, I mean that ever since you came out of this prison something inside you broke, something that used to shine doesn't anymore." My insides tighten. I didn't think he noticed. I thought no one did, but I should have thought of him noticing. I lean back a bit and scan his face. He looks at me with concern. "I... I didn't think you noticed." He sighs and lays a hand on my face and softly turns it so it's right infront of his. "Of course i did. When you use my arm as a pillow and my arm is wet and I wake up in the middle of the night to you crying heavy tears I can not not notice. I wanted to see whether it goes away, you didn't tell me and so i didn't want to push you. But last night your sobs nearly broke my heart, so Tris," his face is only inches away from mine by now, "what is the matter?" I can't turn my head away and so i just stare into his deep blue eyes. I can't answer, I don't know how and so i just close the small gap between us. His mouth on mine lets my heart leap. His hand wanders to my neck and pulls me closer. My hands in his hair pull him closer. "Tris..." he breaths out between the kisses but I just silence him with another kiss. "Tris." He insists but I feel his defence getting weaker. His hand already is on my hip and so I just kiss him again and this time move my leg so I am straddling him. He sighs and i deepen the kiss.
After a while he pulls away though and I feel how tears gather in my eyes. I don't want to think about it. Tobias notices and quickly pulls me towards him. "Hey, hey, hey." I burry my face in his shoulder. "You can tell me, Tris. It's okay. I will try to help you, I want to help you, but you have to tell me what is bothering you. Please. You know you can trust me." I nod. "Of course I do. It's just..." I turn away from him again and he pulls me towards him by my waist. "Tris. Please." He is only whispering. I nod and then turn to him. "When I was in this prison in dauntless... you know they... hurt me. Not only physically but mentally. I never believed the people who said that dauntless are the cruelest faction. I always knew that some dauntless could be maniacs, Eric is the best example, but I never wanted to believe how cruel they can be. I don't know... it just felt so much worse than anything else. Because..." I start crying again. "Aren't they supposed to be my family? Aren't they supposed to be there for me and not hurt me?" He lays on his side and pulls me next to him. I cling to his strong shoulders and just hold him as close as I can. "It's okay. I'll be your family now. I love you." I weep into his chest and dig my fingers into his shirt. "You are my family. And I love you too. It's just that... I tried to believe in the good in the people... I don't think i can still do that now..." he softly strokes my hair and just doesn't say anything.