Divergent | No War

28 - I have news...

Tobias
For the next week all i am doing is trying to fix that damn computer. Its harder than i thought and by now i am thinking that it might even be easier to sneek into the controll room. Angry i throw one of the things i was holding through the room. All of this isn't working! Nothing works out! Frustrated i kick against zekes couch table and let out a groan. Tris brain activity didn't increase much and i don't think that i can take the thought that she won't wake up. No! She will wake up! She has to... Slowly i slide down the wall and burry my head in my hands. This is to much. All of this is to much for me. I want tris. I need Tris but i can't have her.
The door opens and Zeke steps in. I don't care to straighten and just look at him with tears in my eyes. A troubled look flashes through his eyes while balances Lya with one arm. "Four?" I only shake my head. "Zeke i can't take this." My voice is only a mumble. He sighs and sets down lya on the couch. She blubbers something but i am not really in the mood for a baby at the moment. And espacially no happy baby talk.
He comes over to me and crouches infront of me. "Did you know that Tris once said the same to me? After you were gone?" My heart clenches when i hear her name. Since i don't trust my voice i just shake my head. "Well she did and so i am going to tell you the same thimg i told her: life goes on." I look at him with a 'are you serious?' look. He laughs. "Guess what. She looked at me with the exact same look. Let me explain." He lets himself fall onto his butt and smiles at me. "What i mean is that even if Tris doesn't wake up-" i suck in air through my teeth and his gaze meets mine for a second. "Even if she doesn't wake up - and i know that this is probably not what you want to hear - but you will get over it. You will always remember her because you love her so much but your pain will dimmish untill you only feel it really rarely. Trust me." My throat feels like someone wrapped a rope around it. "How do you know?" My voice sounds strangled. Zeke gives me a sad smile and then looks at me for a second. "My dad." He takes a deep breath. "My dad died when i was only 10. A train accident. I never was able to say good bye. They didn't let uri or me see him. Mum saw him and decided that we shouldn't. I was mad back then but know i understand. She wanted us to remember him the way he was. Funny and cheerfull." Zekes face gets a distant look and he smiles a bit. "When i was younger and thought of my dad i only felt pain. Now i can actually smile about the good memories i still have." His eyes dart back to mine. "What i want to say, your world won't break down forever. For a few months. Maybe even years but then - you won't notice at first - it will be nearly gone." I stare at him. I never knew what happend to his dad and i never dared to asked. "Thank you." I wheeze out. He smiles at me weakly. "But tris will make it. She is strong." He rests his hand on my shoulder for a few seconds and then stands up and picks up his daughter.
Before he enters the bedroom he turns around again. "Oh, and Four?" I look up at him. "Yeah?" He caresses Lyas cheek. "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anyone about... about my dad." I quickly nod and wipe my eyes. "Of course not. And maybe you couldn't tell anyone about this..." i point to my tears stained shirt and face and he grins. "Deal." Then he disapears into the bedroom.
For a long time i just sit at the wall and think about everything Zeke told me. He is right. I have to think forwards. What past is is past and i can't change that - although i would want to - and know i habe to focus on the task at hand. And that is this frecking computer.
Sighing i return to the pile of things and start working again.

Two hours later i actually feel like i achived something. I fixed the monitor to the point that he goes on and then shows a blank blue screen. I am close to throw my hands in the air and cheer loudly. Zeke sits on the couch and sees my small victory. He jumps up and grins. "Good job man!" I jump up as well and a real smile fights its way to my face. "Thanks!" He lights punches my arm. "And perfect time manegmant by the way. Its nearly our time at the hospital with tris." To hear her name sends pain through my body but i try to ignore that. "Amazing."
Just then the lock clicks and shauna steps in. She smiles a bit at the two of us. "Hey boys." "Hey" zeke and i greet at the same time. We both grin and shauna rolls her eyes. "Zeke you picked up Lya, right?" His face falls and he looks at her fake confused. "No. I thought it was your turn... I picked her up yesterday." Shaunas eyes grow wide. "Ezekiel! I picked her up yesterday!" Zeke starts laughing just when lya starts crying in the next room. "Relax shauna baby. Lya is in our bedroom." Shauna lays a hand over her heart. "Oh god Zeke. Don't do that to me!" He starts laughing and i quickly turn away so shauna doesn't see my smile. "Okay then. Mr number and i will go to the hospital now. Any news?" I roll my eyes at the werid name and stand up. Shauna shakes her head. "Nope. Brain activity rose 7 percent but other than that..." "Seven!?" I ask with wide eyes. Shauna looks at me and smiles a bit. "Yeah seven." A small smile creeps on my face. "That is the most it rose over only one day till now!" I exclaim and am close to do a happy-dance. Shauna laughs. "Yeah i know. Well have fun in the hospital boys." Zeke gives her a quick kiss and i look at him kind of jealous. I can't kiss my love... i try to shake that thought away. "Okay see you outside." I say and walk towards the window. He nods and disapears through the door. Once its closed i open the window and looks out. The coast is clear. No one is around. Slowly i put my feet over the small platform and then slowly let my body slip untill my arms are stretched completly. With my foot i reach out for the next window. Luckily that is the last one. Zeke only lives in the second floor. Luck for me.
"John!" Someone suddenly shouts.
My hands nearly slip from the window and a gasp escapes my mouth. My feet find the top of the window and i set them down. Then i let myself hang again and jump down the small distance.
When i am on my feet again i tackle zeke to the ground. He just laughs and plays the innocent. "What was that for?" I roll my eyes and stand up. "You know that bloody well. I nearly fell!" He just laughs more and scrambles to his feet. "Well whatever little johnny." I roll my eyes. "Pretty clever name by the way. I guess there are about 50 real johns in dauntless." I shrug and push him so he stumbles to the side a few steps. "I have my bright moments..." He laughs and i can't hold back a small grin.

When we enter the entrence hall of the hospital someone shouts my fake name. "John! Hey! Over here!" I turn my head towards the voice and spot Jack. He grins and waves at me. I wave back and pull zeke with me towards him. "What's up?" I ask once we reached him. "Not much. Its just my shift in the e.r. Urgh!" I roll my eyes. "How is your foot?" I stamp it on the floor and only a small twinge of pain shoots through it. I shrug. "Pretty good." Jack looks kind of scared. "What would have happend if it wasn't that good yet?" I shrug. "I would have stamped and it would have hurt more... No big deal." Jacks eyes are still as big as saucers. I grin. "Well whatever. We are here to see Tris and we have to go." He nods and pulled himself together by now. "Okay then. Was good to see you." I nod. "Yup." I wave at him and then zeke and i walk towards the elevators.

"Hey dumbass!" I say and grin at Jonas. He just glares at me. "What do you want Four?" I roll my eyes and pat his shoulder with a lot of force. He winces but still stands straight. "I just want to visit tris." He still glares at me and now moves my hand from his shoulders with two fingers. "Well since i can behave... not like other people here" he shoots me a look. "I won't make a fuss about it." I just grin and bind the surgical mask behind my head. "Well okay then." He glares at me once more before he leaves. Uri rolls his eyes. "You two really aren't capable to just talk, right?" I roll my eyes. "I don't have a problem with him." "You called him dumpass..." mar says but can't hold back a smile. I shrug. "Well he is a dumpass." Lynn rolls her eyes. "Well sorry everyone but i have to agree with four. Jonas really is... special." Will nods. "Don't know how tris could cope with a guy like him." Christina holds up her hands. "Ok everyone. Lets not talk about jonas like that. He might behave a bit weird sometimes but he still helped tris through a hard time and isn't that bad." I shrug and stand straighter again. "Well whatever. I will go to see tris now." Everyone nods and while chris, mar, lynn and will leave, uri and zeke come with me to see tris.
I slide open the door and step in first. As ever its creepily quiet in here. Tris lays on the bed. The breathing machines churs. The heart monitor beeps.
I sit next to her bed on the plastic chair and carefully take her hand with the iv in mine. Uri and zeke sit across from me and stare at tris. None of us really adjusted to seeing tris like that.
After a bit of just quiet staring at tris zeke clears his throat. "Guys... i don't want to ruin anything but i think its pretty weird to just sit here and stare at her..." uri chuckles although his eyes don't gleem like they used to when he laughed. "Well i guess." I say and shrug. Then i look at the both of them. "Could you- could you just give me a second? Alone with her i mean." They exchange glances and then shrug. "But don't tell Jonas. Or he will rip of your head." I shrug and grin at them. "I think i might be able to handle that." They roll their eyes before they leave.
I take tris hand in mine again and slowly kiss her nuckles. Gosh, she is still so beautiful. Slowly i lay a hand on her cheek and feel how a single tear drops on my cheek. I quickly wipe it away. "Tris..." i start but my voice breaks. It feels weird talking to her. Dr Jamson told us that she might even hear us but it still feels weird. I softly kiss the palm of her hand. "Tris i love you so much. And if you - in any way - can hear me right now i just want to say that i am sorry. I know that i said it before but i really mean it. I have so much to apologise for. Its to much. And i still love you. So please, please don't leave me. I can't live without you. You are to important to just die right now. I would be nothing without you. So please come back to me. Fight your way through the darkness and towards me. Because i love you. I love you. I love you." My voice breaks and just now i realise that my face is tear stained. I cried way to often in the past months. But maybe its my body showing me that i am weak without tris. That i am nothing without tris.

After a bit more time - i don't know how much it knocks. "You can come in." I quickly wipe away the last few tears and can only hope that my face isn't that red or swollen.
The door opens and Dr Jamson together with Uri and Zeke enter. Dr Jamson looks a bit troubled and uri and zeke are pale. My eyes grow wide. "W-what happend?" I stutter. Dr Jamson scratches his neck uncomfortable. "I have news..."