Earlier today, I was eating a really big popsicle. It's long and it literally has the circumference of an average dick. It's literally called a Monster Pop.
Oh look I found a little kid holding one!
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My mom always told me that I can never eat Popsicles around men, so I assume it's because I eat them sensually. Which I do. I watched myself in the mirror once, like, oh God. It's completely unintentional, too.
So I'm just innocently sucking away on my dick-like popsicle when my mom walks into the room in a tizzy. With her attitude game strong, she put her hands on her hips and asks, "What are you doing?"
I sucked extra hard, making my cheeks hollow, as I slid my dicksicle out of my mouth. I made sure to make a loud slurp at the end, too. Then I turned to her, looked her straight in the eye and said, "Improving my blow job skills, obviously. What'd you think I was doing?"
My mom:
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She left before I could say I was joking!
BUT HER FACE OH GOD HER FACE I'M-
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