Skin to Skin

Chapter 20

They bought some liquor from a nearby store and went back to Castiel's dorm. Dean was itching to drink the whole bottle of whiskey he bought. He needed to numb these emotions, he needed to get rid of this anxiety that's eating him alive. Cas opened the bottle and poured himself a shot, Dean grabbed a glass and filled it up halfway. Castiel arched an eyebrow at him. "What?" Castiel shook his head, "Nothing." The first sip burned, the second coated his throat like a bitter medicine he desperately needed. Castiel was watching him closely, probably paranoid because Dean has been acting off all day. "Dean.." He took a sip of his whiskey, "What?" "Are you okay?" Dean laughed,  he was beginning to feel a bit looser, less tense. "Why praytale would I be okay?" ~*~
Castiel held himself, he could feel the hostility, the anxiety rolling off Dean. "I mean, I know you're not okay. I mean like in general." Castiel looked at the ground as he spoke, he didn't want to look in those green eyes. He didn't want to see Dean angry at him. "I'm fine Cassy." Dean sloshed the whiskey around in his cup. "I'm just fine." Castiel knew better than to push because of what happened before they left for the store but he knew it would help Dean to open up. He just knew it. "I'm sad Dean. I'm scared. I'm scared of you leaving, of me being by myself. I'm scared of how you've been acting today because you won't talk about it. We need to talk about it." Dean looked up at him, took another swig from his drink and wiped his mouth. "Okay.." He chewed on his lip with visible anxiety. "I'm scared too. I don't want to leave." Dean took chugged the rest of his drink. "This is the happiest I've been in years and yet it's the most painful." Castiel didn't say anything, he knew how that felt, so he wanted Dean to keep talking. "I..don't know what will happen when I leave. If you'll still want me when I come back, if I will be different, if we will be different." Dean's eyes got shiny and he wiped them quickly before a tear fell. "You can cry Dean." "I'm not a fucking cry baby." Castiel flinched, that was painful considering how easily he cried. "I-I'm sorry Cassy. I didn't mean it that way."
Castiel shrugged his shoulders, played  off the hurt feelings as best as he could. "It's whatever." Dean poured himself some more whiskey and Castiel thought about telling him to stop. He didn't know how aggressive Dean would get but he also wanted him to open up. Castiel sighed and poured himself another shot. "Dean, can I ask you a question?" "Hm?" Castiel fiddled with the shot glass, not sure if he should ask this or not. "What is it?" Castiel swallowed loudly and spat out the question. "Are you gay?" Dean chuckled a little, obviously he hasn't been asked the question often. "Honestly? I don't know what I am. I like women and some men." Dean swallowed, his adams apple moving with it. "I, uh, never gave it much thought after I asked my uncle what it was and he told my Dad." Castiel saw the pain in Dean's face, the obvious trauma that was right under the surface. "What did he do Dean?" Dean chuckled. "As you said earlier. Thats a story for another time. I'm trying to be happy." Castiel nodded but bookmarked that as something else he didn't know about Dean. "It's getting late Dean. What time do we have to wake up?" Castiel didn't want to go to sleep. He wanted to keep talking, he wanted to learn more about Dean, he wanted to tell Dean how much he was loved. "Gotta wake up at 5." Castiel choked up a little when he saw it was one. They really do need to sleep. Dean stood up and took off his clothes, climbing into Castiel's bed. Castiel undressed as well and settled against Dean. "I love you Dean." Dean kissed him, the taste of whiskey a bit overpowering. "I promise I'll come back to you." Castiel teared up a little, resting his head on Dean's bare chest. "I know."