Skin to Skin

Chapter 21

Castiel woke up first, rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. He immediately began crying, this wasn't happening, it couldn't. Dean wrapped an arm around him, startling Castiel because he didn't know he was awake. "I love you Castiel." Dean kissed the back of neck, rested his forehead against him. "Come on baby." Dean pushed the covers down, climbed out of the bed with a sigh and began to get dressed. He threw on his beanie, grey shirt and a bracelet. Castiel watched him get dressed, watched how slowly Dean moved like he was trying to avoid the inevitable as well. Dean put his jeans on, laced his boots. Castiel got up, his body felt like lead, he felt like he was dying. He cried while getting dressed, silent, calm tears. He won't make this any harder for Dean than it already was. Castiel will have his breakdown once...once he's alone. He just shrugged on a plain black shirt, loose fitting jeans. He pushed his hair back with his fingers, not really caring how badly it looked. Dean all of a sudden picked him up, held Castiel against him in a very tight hug. "I'm going to miss you so much beautiful." He felt Dean half sob, trying to contain it. Castiel knew this was going to be one of many good byes this morning. Castiel kissed him, looking into those broken green eyes. "I love you so much Dean, I'll always be yours." Dean nodded, put Castiel down and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. "Come on...we need to go." Castiel grabbed his door keys, Dean grabbed the car keys and they left.
~*~
They went to the hotel to grab Dean's suitcase, his few belongings. When they went outside the sun was starting to rise and Castiel pulled out his phone and took a picture of Dean while he was busy. Something to remind him as well of this beautiful man. They drove to the base, it was about 30 minutes away, far too close for Castiel. He texted his friend Kevin that he would need a ride home, he said he was on the way, asked it Castiel was okay. He hardly talked to his friend this past week with Dean but his friend was still loyal, it made him not feel as alone. Dean parked the rental car, rested his head on the steering wheel.
"I don't want to go." The first of a few sobs breaking through his defense. Castiel felt like screaming, he felt like his heart was breaking in ways that'll never be fixed. "I love you Dean. I love you so much." Castiel pulled Dean over the center console, kissed him deeply, remembering the lasting taste of whiskey and the smell of leather. "I love you too Cassy, I love you so much. I promise I'm coming back." There was a knock on the window, Castiel looked up and it was Fergus. Dean opened the car door, putting one leg out, not willing to get out. "We gotta go mate. The shuttle is waiting." Castiel couldn't do this, there was no way he could this, he couldn't say goodbye. He clung to Dean and cried, he held Castiel in his arms. "I love you." Castiel looked into those green eyes, love so sincere, pain so strong it was almost palpable. "I love you too, Dean." "I gotta go." Dean sighed, it sounded closer to a sob.
~*~
Castiel watched Dean walk away, watched the person who has became his life walk out of it. When Dean was gone, when he was sure he couldn't be seen, Castiel broke down, he held himself and cried. He rocked back in forth and pulled his hair, Castiel felt like he was suffocating, like all the air was ripped from his lungs. He held the cowboys sweater Dean left him, breathing in his smell. "I can't do this, I can't do this." He kept repeating it like a mantra, sobbing uncontrollably. Arms wrapped around him and he looked up to see his friend Kevin. "Come on, Cassy. Let's go home."