Skin to Skin

Chapter 34

Castiel woke up later than Dean left for duty this time and he felt a slight moment of panic when he didn't feel the other man's body heat beside him. Castiel ignored the knot in his stomach that seems to be growing larger everyday. It's bothering him that he hasn't had the chance to talk to Dean about the other night at Sam's. Castiel crawled out of bed and threw on his jeans and generic black shirt. He didn't feel like dressing fancy today, he didn't sleep well last night. Castiel looked at his bed head in the mirror and shrugged on his satchel not really caring about his appearance.
When he got to class Kevin was there again, in his usual non-conforming outfit. "Hey Kev." Kevin eyebrows furrowed with concern, looking Castiel up and down. "Something happen? You look like shit." Castiel smiled weakly, his anxiety ebbing as he talked to one of the sources of his stress. "No. Nothing happened. I'm just over tired from all the back work I have." Kevin nodded with understanding. "So can you hang with me?" Castiel sighed, softly banging his head on the wall. "I forgot to ask. Let me text him real quick." Castiel really didn't want to do this but on the other hand he wanted to know how far Dean would go with trying to control him. *Hey baby, Kevin wants to hang after classes today. Is that alright* Dean's reply took a few minutes and when he got it Castiel expected the reply he got. *Maybe* Which might as well be a no. Castiel knows Dean doesn't like Kevin, why is beyond him , but he just doesn't. Castiel sighed and gave Kevin the answer they both knew was coming. "He said maybe..." "Cassy, that isn't fair to you. You're either in class or in your dorm." "Yea and he's either at work or in my dorm." "Stop sticking up for him." Castiel stood up. Agitated with Dean, furious at Kevin. "No, stop trying to impose your opinions on me. You have no idea what you're talking about." Castiel stormed off into the classroom, the knowledge that Kevin's right chewing at him inside. What is he going to do? Castiel sat in his usual spot and buried his face in his arms. He feels like he's in a continuous loop of anxiety and frustration. One of them is going to give eventually.
After his first class Castiel turned his phone back on before going to his second one and he immediately got three messages Dean must have sent after the maybe. *Why?* *You know I don't like him.* Fuck he's probably going to get yelled at when Dean gets home from work. *Sorry, I asked.* He turned his phone off and shoved it back in his pocket. This is going to be a great day. He settled in a desk in the back of the room, mostly dozing in and out as the professor lectured about something. It went by quicky because he probably slept through half of it. Castiel took a deep breath, it felt like he was breathing through a straw, and left the classroom to go back to his dorm. Now it'll just be hours of him typing his paper and waiting for the furious Dean to come home. Castiel unlocked his door and a hand grabbed the knob, stopping him from opening it, he recognized the tiny hand as Kevin's. "I'm sorry Cassy. I'm just worried." Castiel let out a aggravated sigh. "If you're worried don't bother me about stuff you know is happening, just distract me. Try to cheer me up." Castiel bit his tongue. He just admitted to Dean controlling him. "I have to work on my paper." "Will you be okay when he gets home?" "I'll be fine." Kevin let go of the door knob and Castiel walked in, closing the door in friend's face. He leaned against the closed door. This is too much for him to handle, he needs to find Dean's medication and see if he's been taking it. He's terrified of an outburst that hasn't even happened yet. Castiel swallowed loudly and surveyed the room. Where would Dean hide his medicine? He dug through Dean's small duffle bag, looked under the bed, inside the pillow case, the small book shelf. Nothing. Maybe he has the pill bottle on him. Castiel let out s shakey breath, he'll just do his paper and focus on something else. He turned on his computer and his fingers hovered over the keyboard shaking. "Get a grip. He's not going to hurt you." Castiel opened the file for his paper, turned on some music, and started typing.
After hours of working on his assignment Castiel was deep in thought typing so he didn't hear the jiggle of the door knob. What he heard was the sound of Dean's heavy gait and he stood up fast enough that he almost fell. "D-dean, hey baby. How was work?" Castiel was in defense mode, ready to run if he had to as Dean closed the distance between them. "It was alright. How was school?" Castiel blinked in shock "It was fine.." Maybe Dean forgot? Or maybe he was testing Castiel. His phone vibrated to alert him of a text and he ignored it. Dean's eyes narrowed as he saw what name lit up the screen. "Kevin?" Castiel pushed his phone off the desk and tried to ease away from Dean so he didn't feel as trapped. Castiel felt like throwing up, the only reason he's this scared is because Kevin kept telling him bullshit. "You need to stop talking to him." Castiel nodded and swallowed down his anxiety. "He's just a friend Dean." His voice was shaking and he didn't like how scared that made him sound. "He keeps telling you stuff that isn't true, Cassy. I would never hurt you." Castiel back stepped when Dean tried to touch him. This isn't right, he shouldn't be this scared of Dean but something told him to be careful. Perhaps it's the dark look in Dean's eyes, the even calmness in his voice. It was unsettling. "I-I know." Dean grabbed his wrist and yanked Castiel closer to him. "Then why do you keep backing away?" Dean kept a firm grip on Castiel's wrists and he winced because it was really starting to hurt. Castiel couldn't breath, his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. He tried to pull his arm from Dean's grip but it only resulted in him squeezing harder. "Dean let go, you're hurting me." Dean kissed Castiel forcefully and held Castiel against him. "Dean stop." He pulled back from Dean hard enough he fell and scrambled backwards."Stop what? Kissing you?! Trying to figure out why you're acting like this?" Dean shouted loud enough Castiel could feel it in his chest. God this is going to escalate so fast if he doesn't figure out a way to diffuse it. "I-I'm sorry Dean." Dean's eyes softened at his apology but hardened again when someone knocked on the door.

Dean shot him s cold glance before heading towards the door. "That better not be Kevin." When Dean turned around Castiel quickly got to his feet and ran to the door before Dean could open it. "Cassy are you okay?" Castiel could feel his heart in his throat,  God Dean looked so disassociated. "I'm fine Kevin, just go." "Castiel." "Kevin. Go!" There was silence and then the sound of a door shutting from across the hall. Castiel let out a sigh of relief but quickly realized this wasn't over yet. "What is it about him? Hmm?" Castiel pressed himself against the door, he could feel a fine tremor spreading through his body. "I told you he's just a friend Dean." Dean laughed, it sounded like breaking glass and Castiel cringed. "How am i supposed to believe that? I was gone almost a year and i have to believe that you and Kevin didn't fuck at least once?" Castiel felt the beginnings of tears. He didn't know how to stop this, how to calm Dean down. "Because I love you. I would never betray you like that." Dean nodded and started pacing the small room, pulled at his hair. He looked at Castiel with wild eyes. "What's wrong with me?" Castiel relaxed a little bit and stepped away from the door. "I-I don't know but we'll figure it out okay." Castiel couldn't stop crying, he was so fucking scared but he wanted to help Dean as well. "Don't touch me." Castiel tried to grab Dean's hand and Dean pushed him away. ""Don't touch me!" Castiel hugged himself and shouted back through tears. He couldn't do this anymore, pretend everything was alright when it clearly wasn't. "Then what the hell am I supposed to do? You won't let me in? I barely know anything about you Dean. I've told you so much about myself and I don't even know what you're middle name is!" Castiel fell back against the door and just cried, clinging to his arms. "I just want to know you." Dean visibly calmed down at the sight of Castiel's break down but he didn't want to be touched. He wanted Dean to just walk off whatever was bothering him because he isnt strong enough to handle Dean shouting at him. "Please go..." Dean choked a little on tears. "Wh-what?" "Come back when you're calm..."