Skin to Skin

Chapter 23

Two months have passed and Dean is still doing pretty bad. Going through the motions, preforming his tasks. Wake up, make his bed, report to his commanding officer, perform his daily routine. It was distracting during the day, he wouldn't think about how dead he felt inside, but at night he broke down. Some nights he would silently cry himself to sleep, other nights he thought about Castiel, and how he was doing. Castiel was definitely probably doing worse than him. Dean rolled over in the uncomfortable bed, wishing he was in Castiel's. "Hey mate you awake?" Fergus whispered in the dark. "Yea." "What are you thinking about doing when you get back? I was thinking a nice strip club." Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm going to Castiel." Fergus chuckled at him, laughing at his sympathetic notions. "Mate he was a college student. Nine times out of ten you were just a lay." Dean threw his boot at Fergus, hitting him rather hard in the chest. "Don't fucking talk about him like you know anything." Fergus kept laughing. "Sorry mate." Dean rolled back over, trying not to think about his friends words. What if he was right? What if Castiel said he loved him, and very well probably did when he was there, but what if he moves on? Dean hugged himself, depression and anger taking over him at the thought of someone else being with Castiel.
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It's been almost three months now. Castiel still felt numb, it was still a struggle to get out of bed, he still only ate every few days. Castiel traced the scar on his side, the one Dean asked about and he blatantly brushed off. The need to make new scars was becoming more prevalent everyday, the urge to hurt himself so he could feel something, anything again. He shrugged his shirt on, hiding the scar from himself, got out of bed and dug through his mini fridge for something to nibble on. He felt like his stomach was eating itself and it was making him incredibly nauseous. Castiel grabbed an apple, walked into the hallway, barefeet on carpet, and knocked on Kevin's door. His friend quickly answered, they had gotten pretty close over the last three months. He made Castiel promise him that he wouldn't hurt himself, so far Castiel has kept it. "Sup?" "You wanna go do something? Like the park or whatever?" "S-sure." Kevin hurriedly put his clothes on, probably moving faster than Castiel could change his mind. "How are you feeling today?" Castiel shrugged "Numb but that's it." Kevin nodded as he locked his door and they went outside. "Why won't you wear shoes?" Castiel smirked, glancing down at his bare feet. "So I can feel something."