Skin to Skin

Chapter 37

Castiel kept typing his paper, pretty sure he was going to have to redo it because he was buzzed. He tried rereading it and it just didn't make any sense to him, he chuckled a little bit and turned off the computer. Castiel stripped his clothes and walked to the bathroom, he needs to sober up before Dean gets home. He can't risk saying something he shouldn't because he doesn't know what type of mood Dean is in. He turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower. His muscles immediately relaxing at the sensation, his heart beat slowing down considerably. Castiel rest his forehead against the cold shower tile and fought back the sobs that tried to escape. How did his life turn into this? How did him and Dean turn into him being terrified to say something off? Castiel poured shampoo into his hand and lathered it through his hair before rinsing it out. He grabbed the wash cloth off the shower bar and rubbed the bar of soap on it, then the wash cloth on his skin. He sighed heavily, the depression being replaced with this overall sense of numbness. He can do this, he's been through worse and survived. Besides this isn't about Castiel surviving, it's about him and Dean surviving. He loved the other man more than life itself, he's pretty sure that's obvious by the way he fell apart when Dean was gone. Castiel rinsed off his body, letting the hot water soothe his tense muscles a bit more before turning it off. When Castiel opened the shower curtain a bit he saw boots on the bathroom floor he looked up and saw Dean leaning against the bathroom counter. "H-hey baby. You're home early." Castiel wrapped a towel around himself and stepped on his tip toes to give Dean a kiss. "Yea they sent me home because I wasn't doing to well." Castiel nodded and frowned, "I have some ibuprofen?" Dean chuckled half-heartedly, "That won't help this pain. It's okay though, I'll be fine." Dean pulled Castiel against him and kissed him softly, it was chaste and slow. "I love you, Cassy." "I love you too, so besides that things are okay?" Castiel was having a hard time gaging Dean's mood. He seemed to be putting himself at a distance emotionally. "Uh, yea, it was a good day.""Why did something happen?" Castiel looked at the ground and swallowed the need to tell Dean everything. "No," He smiled weakly, hoping it was reaching his eyes. "Just the same boring routine as always." Dean's eyes narrowed and Castiel swore the other man could read his thoughts. "Okay, well do you want to stir up that routine some?"Castiel had began drying off his body and Dean watched him intensely as the towel drifted lower. "Sure, what do you have in mind?" "I was thinking of looking for an apartment. Get us out of this tiny dorm. I'm making enough money with this shore duty I can afford a decent one bedroom." Castiel's first response was to be ecstatic that Dean wants them to get their own place but quickly it was replaced with terror. What if with this move things quickly escalate to something much worse? Is he ready to deal with something like that? Castiel surveyed Dean's face, he could see the other man was terrified he would say no and he didn't want to say no, he couldn't say no, but things needed to change. Castiel licked his lips and began to say something but Dean cut him off. "If you want to say no just spit it out. I know it's a bit fast." Castiel kissed Dean, trying to soothe the taller man's panic. "I don't want to say no. I want to say yes." Dean swallowed loudly. "But?" Castiel held Dean's hands in his and squeezed them tightly, kissed the bruised knuckles. "But things need to change. Whatever we are has to get better." Dean choked on unshed tears, "An-anything Cassy. What do you need me to change." "It's one main thing Dean." Castiel looked Dean in the eyes, he wants him to get the full weight of his seriousness even if it felt like it would break his heart. "You need to take your medication Dean." Dean's jaw clenched and unclenched, the muscles working in his neck. "Dean you've been scaring me, you're being self-destructive. I'm scared you'll do something drastic to yourself." Castiel kissed him deeply and then pulled away. "I can't make a big step without you making one too."
Dean felt hopeless, broken, had it really come to this? That Castiel was giving him an ultimatum? He pulled the pill bottle out of his jacket pocket, stared at the label that said Lithium 700mgs. Dean did research online this was one of the heaviest antipsychotics, but he isn't crazy, is he? Dean looked into Castiel's ocean blue eyes, saw the fear, the desperation in them and he sighed. "Okay... I'll take them." Castiel let out an obvious sigh of relief, the tension seemed to flood from his muscles and he kissed Dean. "Dean... I'm proud of you." He shoved the bottle back in his pocket and rested his head on Castiel's shoulders. "Don't say that yet.. we don't know how well or how fast it'll work." He gently pushed Castiel off him and led him out of the stuffy bathroom. Dean all of a sudden felt very claustrophobic in the small space and couldn't breath. The bottle weighed heavy in his pocket with the knowledge it might change who he is. Castiel guided Dean to the bed, his anxiety was making it difficult to function and he really didn't want to snap so he didn't say anything. "It's going to be okay, this will be a defining step." Dean bit by bit shed his clothes, wincing every so often from his broken ribs, yet again another stupid and reckless thing he has done. "You have any whiskey, Cassy?" Castiel shook his head and Dean felt an intense need to go to the store and buy some. "I have beer?" "Forget it, lay down with me." Dean laid down in the inviting bed and pulled Castiel down ontop of him. "I just need to feel you." Castiel rested his head on Dean's chest, he drank in the warmth, the closeness of the other man's body. He can do this if it meant keeping Castiel. If it meant not losing his world he'll do anything, he meant it.
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Castiel yet again couldn't sleep. Maybe it was the stress? Maybe it was the anxiety that Dean will start taking his medication but nothing will change and they'll find out it's just who he is. He watched Dean sleeping fitfully beside him, he kept tossing and turning in his sleep, probably from the pain in his ribs. Castiel got up and went to the bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection looked like a wreck, he really needed to sleep before class tomorrow. Maybe some release will calm him enough to rest somewhat decently. He sat on the toilet seat and squeezed his flacid cock, Castiel was having difficulty getting hard with all the anxiety running through his veins. He leaned back against the back of the toilet, stroked himself slowly, squeezing himself at the base, willing himself to become hard. It just wasn't happening. "Need some help?" Castiel blinked shocked eyes open at Dean. "I-I'm sorry, I just couldn't sleep . I thought may-" Dean got on his knees and drew Castiel's soft cock into his mouth and it ripped a gasp from his parted lips. "I th-thought you were sleeping." Dean pulled away and smiled at him tiredly. "I couldn't sleep either." He returned to Castiel's now hard cock and bobbed his head slowly, his tongue pressed flat against the bundle of sensitive nerves. Castiel leaned back again, biting his lip at the sensation of Dean's warm mouth on him, slowly building up his orgasm. Dean sucked on the head of his cock, using a hand to stroke him while he did and it sent shivers through Castiel. "C-can we have sex?" Dean shook his head. Maybe he's into much pain. Dean sucked on two of his fingers and slowly slipped them into Castiel. "Baby.." Dean found his prostate while he kept bobbing his head on his cock and he felt so much closer now. "Baby I'm going to come." Castiel's muscles tightened in his stomach and his cock throbbed in Dean's warm mouth. "Come for me Cassy." Castiel let go of his hold on himself and came in Dean's mouth, painting the back of his throat. Dean wiped his mouth and smiled. "Let's go to sleep." Castiel nodded, thoroughly spent and ready for sleep. "Okay."