In the depths of the jungle

Chapter twenty six: Healing wounds

Kira

"Kira you can't overcome your past by creating a different version. You need to remember all of it. It was never said that it would be easy to heal past wounds. But you have the strength and courage to bring to the surface what made you suffer the most" I heard Althena say.  I flinched because I had the picture of Ramon in my head, back at when he sneered at me when I was bleeding to death.

I started to realized that she was right. That I indeed had tried to forget about my death and became obsessed by finding him to make things right. But how could I do that, how can I look him in the eyes and forget what he had done to me. What he had put me through. I tried to convince myself, as I did before. He was my brother and even after all what he did to me, we still grew up together, sticked together, and I loved him all my life. But I suddenly remembered how Ramon had looked at me when he bit me. In all this blur of pain, I could see him, inches above my face. Pity and remorse in his eyes and he turned it off and killed me.

I always believed he had no choice, but I was wrong, he had one and didn't take it. He embraced his wrong and dark desires. Even if he had really loved her and she only magnified his feelings. He still had a choice and he chose that he no longer cared about me and in this instant I knew that I could never get my old brother back. And never forgive him. I woke up and laid there unable to move. I was breathing fast. Not able to slow down. I filled my lungs, as if I came back to the surface from under the water. And all what seemed real and important just collapsed. I looked at Althena, tears started to stream down my face. "He bit me, let me die twitching! I thought I could save him, bring him back" my voice was shaking. "That even what he did, that there was still my brother somewhere inside. What shall I do now? I wasted months of my life for a lost cause!" I rose up from the ground. Althena came closer and laid her arm around me. "It is going to be better now that you know the truth. You are strong and brave, you will overcome this as you mastered everything else in your life." I slung my arms around her and laid my head onto her shoulders and wept silently and she sat there, just holding me close like my mother used to. When my breath steadied again Althena said: "But you know what comes next, you opened your mental wounds and for the complete healing process, we have to open and heal the physical ones as well." I knew this would have to be done at some point and yet the thought of it made me nervous. Apparently she saw the flicker in my eyes and added: "Do not worry, I will give you juice of the white flower, you will barely feel anything." I took a deep breath and lay down again. Even though Althena gave something that numbed the pain I still flinched at every cut she made. I heard her prayers through the sound of my beating heart. And suddenly she stopped. "What is it? Althena is something wrong?" I aske anxouis not raising my head "No, everything is more than right, I presume." She sounded surprised. "You asked me how it was possible for you to come back to life and I indeed thought that it was the goddesses doing, but apparently it was yourself." I raised my head a little and I tried to dump the panic that rose inside me when I saw the wound over my heart opened once more. But something was different, it was not that deep and the blood didn't flow down in streams. At my questionable look Althena said: "I did not make it was deep as it was. I only opened the surface, anything else is too dangerous. And yet your body seems to heal it already. You've got extraordinary powers" I looked at her with big eyes. My mind had problems to adjust to this thought. But still I felt as if a great weight was lifted from my shoulders, I was glad to finally know how it was possible for me to be alive. "Kira, look at me" Althena said serious. "Do not take this lightly! It is a great gift, that the goddess gave you. Do not let it get the kindness and courage you have undone. You know this power has limits, I only knew a handful of priestesses who have ever posed it." "I will not change the way I live, just because I know of those abilities. Because I do know how easy it is be swept away by darkness. I will always remember it." I said with gridded teeth, feeling a cold spot at my neck. "I am proud of you my daughter, you are a true healer."