Indifference. (#Watty's2016)

17

Dissatisfaction about others is frustration for one self.
                                                              ~Simran Riyaz

I looked into Wade's eyes as he performed and anybody with ears could tell that his performance was a little frustrated. Now, that could or could not be because of me. I hope not. With in a fraction of seconds his eyes met mine and I knew it was just because of me. I couldn't even smile looking at him. His stare only made me more uncomfortable. I just wanted to run to my house and open the secret attic and sit inside the panic room live out the rest of my life.

I wish such a place existed in my house. The sound of claps thundered in my ears and I was brought back to reality still having my eyes stuck to those wooden eyes. People stood up and scattered around where I was just sitting there alone sinking in my own problems. I now know how the captain of Titanic felt when the ship was sinking. Yeah I'm feeling just that way.

"Come let's go for dinner at the patio." He walked towards me in his dress he wore for the event. I don't know what I felt more - crazy or frustrated? Was I crazily relieved that he didn't bring up the topic I don't want to talk about or am I frustrated that nothing bothers him? How more complicated can my brain go?

"You okay?" He asked shaking me slightly by my shoulder and I looked up at him and gave away one more precious fake smile. How hard it is to smile when from inside you are craving to cry in a way that can be made illegal once you start frying that way.

I walked behind him and looked at the back of his head. For some reason I knew that he is just avoiding the internal debate on how to talk to me about it. I wish he just gives it up. I don't want to open up to anybody. Sure I have trust issues but this is nothing  about trust issues. This is just that fear that makes me like a joke in front of anybody. I just don't like it.

I hit my face on something hard and realised that I have been zoning out a lot and also that Wade's face spoke a thousand words and five of them were you need to stop it. I simply sat on the table seeing that we have reached the dining hall or more commonly the patio.

"Do you- " my phone rang and I looked at him as he was cut mid sentence. He nodded and I received the call.

Hello. Kay? Are you okay?

Yeah I'm fine. Bye.

I hung up as soon as I realised I was talking to the majesty. I was not ready to face anybody yet though I was facing Wade. Well then I could say I don't want to face two at one time.

"I'm sorry. Not important." I said and Wade just nodded in reply. Is it normal to feel overly frustrated by his not caring nature or that is that I don't want to confront him yet I want him to ask me something? Argh! This can't be any more complicated.

We ate in silence and finished our food quiet fast because it was just some noodles ad salad. Yeah the elite food. I so miss the pizza, the pasta ,the burger. I look up at Wade and he instantly looks away. He has been doing that since we are in this awkward situation. He gives me a sneaky glance thinking that I didn't notice. One more time he does that and I'm done with his stealthy looks. Why don't you speak up about what is going in your brain or you can just shut up if it is about that problem.

"Is the event over?" I asked him as he was walking to the parking lot and I was following him like I'm some fan girl. I'm clearly not. Yeah he does beat drums pretty astonishingly stunning but he is after all someone whom I know. You know the rule if a star knows you then he is no more a star for you. I strictly follow that rule.

"No but we're going home." He said in an icy tone that almost made me shiver but I wouldn't let him know that. Come on we were here to find a lost friend and here we're leaving with out the dessert.

"But Raymond?" I asked hopefully to stop him here and let that topic slide off from his brain and actually find Ray. He turned back to me and silently stared at me looking furious and suddenly softens.

"I'm no one to help you find your friend and then I have other business to run because I'm not mother Teresa to help everybody I meet." He said coldly and slipped into the driver's seat. OK that's look tad bit serious.

"You are a friend of me I thought." I mumbled loud enough for him to hear and sat in the passenger's seat. I couldn't take that mood of his very seriously because I can't let out everything to everybody. I have to just let it slip.

_________

I got down of the car and looked at him. Now because he is upset because of me it is my duty to make him happy again

"Wanna come in and watch big bang theory marathon?" I asked him and realised that the wasn't that hard. Who wouldn't love big bang theory? I do and I know he too does. For a fact the whole universe loves it.

He is still thinking for the answer. How hard is it to say yes? And he looks at me and nods a yes.

"Good. Come along." I say and walk the elevator. The guard is not there because he was in the event enjoying so we have to sign for ourselves. So I did it for both of us.

I entered my house and just then a feeling of someone watching me crawled to the front of my medulla oblongata. The feeling I had today when Jake looked at me, when he touched me. I wanted to push him away. Nobody could ever disgust me by their presence like Jake does.

"You are still here and I thought the pop corn was ready." He said pushing me a little. I smiled at the thought that told me this guy will always be there for me.

"In a minute sir. Please have a seat and surf through Netflix to play the marathon." I told him and he nodded and went to the couch as I walked to my room but not before putting pop corn in the machine.

I got changed and took two bowls in my hand and sat in the couch and handed one bowl to Wade. I sat beside him and we laughed and laughed and laughed watching the show. This is surely better than attending the event.

_______________

It was 3 in the morning when we finished watching the show.

"You can stay the night here." I told him and walked to my bedroom. I jump on my bed and try to sleep. Good that we watched till three because that's the time when I actually felt asleep.

A/n

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