Hell in my eyes!

Hell in my eyes! [Chapter 37: Not enough oxygene...]

Trisha’s POV

I couldn’t believe this had happened. This isn’t what I wanted, not at all. He’d actually gone. He would be in New York by now. My heart ached painfully as I realized just what that meant. He wasn’t coming back. He was gone, for good. He wasn’t answering my phone calls or replying to my texts. Part of me doubted he was even reading them. But if he just read them then he’d be able to understand. In retrospect, I hadn’t phrased what I wanted very well. I shouldn’t have said that I wanted him to leave. He’d obviously take that out of context. All I wanted was for him to stop sacrificing so much for me. And now he’d never know that that’s what I meant.

I phoned him again, closing my eyes and listening to the rings and then the voicemail. Shivers had been running up and down my spine ever since he left. I didn’t want to believe what my head was telling me. But I had to. This was over…we were over. Lucian had left, and he was so angry at me that I doubted he would listen to me anyway. I’d hurt him, I knew that. And he’d never know how sorry I am.

Then an idea popped in my head and I thought why not? I got dressed with an outfit Lucian had bought for me and left mine and his apartment. That’s right, that was our house. I walked all the way to the shop thinking that I could find out something about Lucian and kept thinking about all this mess. I went to his shop but I only found Aaron there. He had no idea anout Lucian leaving, he only received a message saying he had to open the shop everyday from now on. Why does love have to make you feel so sad? Why do I feel my heart breaking to little pieces? Why can’t I breathe? I feel like there isn’t enough oxygene for me to breathe… I love him! Damn it!

After almost a week, I knew that he wasn’t going to respond to my messages or texts or anything. I hated that I just had to accept that, but there was nothing else I could do. He was miles away and I had no other way of forcing him to listen to me. My first fashion show was arriving. I knew I ought to be focusing wholly on that, but a part of my mind was always on Lucian. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing, where he was, who he was with. My work was suffering because of my lack of interest and effort. But I couldn’t help it. I was late to Cosmopolitan several times as well, but I think they all guessed what had happened. Lucian had sometimes come with me to the magazine, and now that he’d completely stopped and I started behaving differently…they put the pieces together. Mr. Flask was very sympathetic, always smiling at me sadly whenever I got to the fashion department.

“You okay, hon?” He asked and I sighed with a shrug.

“I guess…” I murmured. “I just…I don’t know what to do. How do I make him listen to me? He won’t pick up my calls and it’s not like I can just go find him and force him to listen.”

“Why not?” He asked and I blinked.

“He’s in New York.” I said, even though I thought Mr. Flask knew that.

“So?” He asked and I blinked again. But then it hit me, Mr. Flask was right. So what if Lucian was in New York? I could easily go after him.

“But I have my first fashion show in two weeks.” I said softly.

“So go after.” Mr. Flask replied, as though it was no big deal.

And I guess it wasn’t. It was rather simple, actually. I could go after him, I could go to New York, and force him to listen to me. And I would tell him that I love him and need him in my life. And it would all be good again. Or so I hoped.

“You could try transfering to the company he works.” Mr. Flask said and I turned to him again.

“I could?” I asked, frowning with confusion.

“Of course.” He said. “There are also plenty of universities in New York that specialize in fashion and I’m sure you’d have no problem getting into any of them if you’d like. So long as you pass these exams coming up.” I grinned suddenly and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I cried happily, practically jumping up and down.

Mr. Flask just laughed lightly and shook his head. But he didn’t realize what he’d just done. He’d given me a plan, I now had something to work towards rather than just moping around because I’d lost the one man I cared about.