Hell in my eyes!

Hell in my eyes! [Chapter 39: My miserable life.]

Lucian’s POV

It didn’t take long for Trisha to stop calling me. She phoned constantly for about three days, but then she seemed to just give up. It wasn’t surprising, really, I mean, I hadn’t given her any reason to keep calling. I felt kind of low about it, though. Even though it’s what I wanted, I hated knowing that Trisha wasn’t bothering with me anymore. I had liked the thought that she was trying to fight for our relationship which she had ended herself. I had a few small photo shoots over the next week or so.

Christopher was trying to get my career going, but, like he’d repeatedly told me, I’d been gone too long. It was still easy enough to get jobs in the small companies and magazines. But the larger, well publicized places had moved on. I wasn’t all that surprised, really. And even the small jobs I had been doing, I hadn’t been doing well. I mean, the photographer and people were happy with the shoot. But I wasn’t. I just wasn’t up to smiling and being polite to everyone and then putting on a face for the shoots. It wasn’t my usual standard and I hated that. It didn’t surprise me that Christopher wasn’t trying that hard to get me the top jobs again. Simply put, I just couldn’t do them.

Rather than meet up with my friends back in New York, I didn’t even tell them that I was back. I didn’t want to go out with them. All they did was go to bars and clubs and hook up with random people for a night. I didn’t want that, not anymore. I just wanted her, Trisha. But she didn’t want me…

After a photo shoot that lasted nearly four hours, I went back to my lonely apartment, utterly exhausted. I flopped down onto my bed and ran my hands over my face, rubbing at my tired eyes. It was only 8:30 but I was considering going to bed already. I didn’t really have a reason not to. It’s not like I had anyone to see. I rolled off the sofa and fell onto my knees. Suddenly, a feeling of utter loneliness washed over me and tears instantly gathered in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I missed her so much. I wanted her back more than anything.

Maybe I should call her… Maybe I should just tell him the truth, that I loved her and I needed her. I bit my lip nervously and then I picked up my phone and held it loosely, looking at Trisha’s name on the screen. My thumb hovered over the send call button. I didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want me, so would I just look utterly pathetic if I phoned her and told her that I couldn’t get over her? Would she laugh at me? I didn’t think she would because she never came across as cruel. But what did I know?

Just as I was about to press the button and call her, there was a knock on my door. I frowned slightly, confused as to who might be at me door. Other than Christopher, the security guard downstairs and a few photographers, no one knew I was back. I decided to ignore it, not keen on anyone seeing me like this with my eyes swollen and tears drying on my cheeks. My eyes returned back to my phone and I looked down at Trisha’s name again. But the knocking persisted and I let out a sigh in annoyance.

“No one’s home.” I shouted angrily. The knocking halted for a minute, but then picked up again even more insistently than before. I groaned and stood up, keeping my phone in my hand.

“What?” I asked as I threw open my door and then I froze to thespot with my mouth open.