Hell in my eyes!

Hell in my eyes! [Chapter 33: I've been thinking]

Trisha’s POV

I stayed awake long after Lucian had fallen asleep. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, holding me tight against his bare chest. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms, but my mind was still reeling over the argument we’d just had. It didn’t surprise me as much as it probably ought to that Alex had tried to break Lucian and I up. To be honest, I’d kind of been expecting it. I knew Alex had issues with me being with Lucian, but I’d chosen to ignore it.

That was probably a mistake, sure, but it was over now and Lucian and I were okay. My friendship with Alex, however, was more than over. I could possibly understand him having issues with someone after meeting them, but Alex hadn’t even met Lucian before, so he had nothing to back up his ridiculous claims that Lucian and I weren’t good together.

I turned carefully in Lucian’s arms, wary not to wake him. He looked so happy, so peaceful, lying there beside me. I smiled softly and raised my hand to stroke his cheek lightly. He was so beautiful. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. It didn’t surprise me that he was at the top of the model career. Sure, he was hot and sexy. But behind that, beneath that materialistic layer, he was a truly beautiful person. And that shone through, even in his sleep. I leant forward slowly, so my forehead rested on his, feeling the heat radiating from his skin. I closed my eyes as I heard the words that had been circling round my head for the last few hours.

“I’ve given up my whole life to stay here with you, my home, my friends, my career.”

Tears pricked in my eyes as I realized that what he had said was true. He had sacrificed everything to stay here with me, and I hadn’t even noticed. I’d let myself believe that he still had photo shoots in England, just because I didn’t want to accept that he didn’t. He was only here because of me, I’d disrupted his whole life. A gentle smile graced my lips as I looked at his sleeping face and I sighed softly. This wasn’t fair. I’d never really considered that Lucian was going to leave. I’d been happy in the delusion that he would forever have shoots here to do. But of course, that was incredibly naïve on my side. He was obviously going to go back at some point.

And that point was looking alarmingly close. When Lucian started stirring beside me, I glanced at the clock and sighed heavily when I saw it was eight am. I’d been awake all night, terrifying thoughts floating through my head. I squeezed my eyes tight to fight back the tears that were threatening to burst forward. I slid out of bed and went into the bathroom and had a hot shower, trying to relax my tight muscles. It didn’t work, however, when Lucian came into the bathroom and joined me in the shower. He pressed up against me from behind and placed a hot, open mouth kissed to my neck. I smiled gently, letting myself enjoy it. He wrapped his arms around me and I entwined our fingers.

“You okay?” Lucian asked quietly.

I just nodded in response, not trusting my voice not to waver if I spoke. We stood silent for the next few minutes, letting the water run down us. I knew Lucian could sense there was something wrong, and I was so grateful that he wasn’t asking about it. I turned in his arms and rested my head on his shoulder. He leant down and placed a soft kiss to my wet hair, before resting his head on mine. I sighed in content. Once we got out of the shower, we went back into the bedroom and got dressed in silence. It was sort of tense and I didn’t know what Lucian was thinking. I couldn’t tell if he was mad that I wasn’t talking to him about what was upsetting me.

“Are you still mad about last night?” Lucian asked once we were both fully dressed.

“What?” I asked, blinking in confusion. “No, no I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Trisha.” Lucian said and I sighed. “Did you get any sleep?”

Instead of answering, I just shrugged vaguely. I looked over at him and saw just how much my mood was affecting him. After crossing the room, I sat back on the bed and looked up at him.

“I’ve been thinking…” I said quietly, patting the spot beside me.

Lucian took the hint and came to sit beside me on the bed.

“What about?” He asked cautiously.

He could already sense that whatever was coming wasn’t going to be good.