Dirty Secret

one.

Loudly, a yawn escaped my lips and my feet sunk into the carpet that laid my bedroom flooring, the faint smell of a freshly cooked breakfast drifted under the gap between my floor and the door, the sound of rain falling against the river outside was more than enough of a reason for me to remain in an extremely relaxed state, all while the words that left my soon to be brother in laws moth the night before circled my mind like a tornado.

I was yet to remove myself from the fence I had sat myself on - the fence of whether to turn down his offer, or to take him up on something that sounds completely reasonable.

Before I had actually managed to slip my way into a slumber last night, I had made up my mind, convincing myself that I was going to say yes, yet over the course of my sleep and waking up, I was back on the fence, not knowing what to do - as if that was surprising.

According to him, I didn't even know how to masturbate properly.

And while it had already crossed my mind that I could be doing something wrong seeing as though not once has my back arched, never have my legs began to shake in pleasure, it knocked what little confidence I had towards the matter hearing that my technique was wrong - and it was my lack of confidence and experience that was stopping me from accepting his offer.

Justin would only laugh at me, finding amusement in the lack of experience, he would be able to hold it against me and taunt me whenever he feels like ruining my life - he may be twenty two, but his immaturity shines through, daily.

Scrap that.

He already has enough to hold against me.

He has caught me in the act of many sins - like the time he caught me in club 10ak, using fake ID and knocking back and every shot that came in my direction. Yet, even that wasn't enough for me to build up the courage it would have took for me to make out with a guy whose name I would have forgotten the moment his tongue was out of my mouth, or to leave with club with a completely different male, losing my virginity on the couch in his living room, not remembering it in the morning, yet probably able to feel the burning sensation that apparently lingers after your first time having sex.

Oh, and then there was that afternoon when he was leaving the lingerie boutique he owns downtown, catching me skipping afternoon classes with Danielle - he didn't rat on me, even though he had every chance to. On top of that, it was only four weeks ago when he was in the kitchen with my father, and I wandered in high after having my first joint with friends after school, and when my father beckoned on me to help him cook dinner, Justin decided to cover for me.

Justin has had enough ammo on me to ruin my life during one family dinner, for a hell of a long time. Surely, my lack of sexual experience can't change that? Besides, if he was to out my lacking knowledge, he would be outing himself in the process, and given the fact he wants to marry my half sister, that probably isn't he would consider doing.

He is my brother in law, and the only thing he needs to do is help me gain confidence in the bedroom.

We have known each other for years, it makes sense to experience such a thing with somebody who knows me, rather than a stranger.

-

As my hair drip dried down my back, I wandered over to my bedroom window, pulling back the curtains that were a full length drop, my eyes gazing out at the river bank that ran down the side of our home. I couldn't help but cock my eyebrow in confusion at the sight of my brother, Kyle, and Justin stood topless in the rain, laughing over god knows what or god knows who, while tossing pebbles from the flower bed into the flowing water.