Decipher | Watty's 2017

L. Purge

Purge

/pərj/

verb

rid (someone) of an unwanted feeling, memory, or condition, typically giving a sense of cathartic release

Yells and screams filled the halls as I stood helplessly, watching her being rolled away from me. Her face was pale, more so than usual in the sense of her cheeks not holding their normal rosy color. When I had seen her eyes, they were lacking their usual blue hue, which offset me a little. The normally lively side of her was gone as I stared at an emotionless exoskeleton. I couldn't comprehend how someone so beautiful, kind hearted, and honest could ever be put in this predicament. It wasn't fair.

She should have never been on that raid in the first place. If only she had listened to me and stayed behind, she would have stayed safe. The past four months could have prevented if she had stayed back in the colony, but she had to act like a hero. As usual, she wanted to be the person in danger; she wanted to keep everyone safe even though she couldn't keep herself safe.

The most tragic form of irony was coursing through my veins as I remembered all the now bittersweet memories I had of myself and Melissa. All the memories of our bodies entangled, not having the strong will to separate from each other's arms.

"She's going to make it man," Michael's voice spoke for the first time since we had left the Central Office.

I rolled my eyes, his words mocking me in every way, even though they were meant to build up my confidence. He didn't realize the pain I was going through, or the pain that was awaiting me if Melissa didn't make it through this surgery.

"You don't know that," my voice betrayed me, cracking near the end as tears flowed freely down my cheeks. I kept my head towards the ground, too embarrassed of my tears to claim them. The entire thought of my Melissa making it through this was rid from my mind when I saw her beaten and bruised. She would never be herself after what she endured, and in some weird way, I was okay with that. Some sadistic part of me wished that she would be scared for the purpose of restricting her willpower to defy my precautions to keep her safe.

When I finally gathered the strength to raise my head, I found that Michael was still sitting beside me loyally and dutifully. My eyes found his tear filled ones as I struggled to form coherent sentences. He simply nodded understandingly, feeling the same way I was.

"She won't ever be the same," I whispered out my fear, tears continuing to stream down my face as I looked away from Michael. Ashton and Calum had opted not come to wait with us, but went to see Ashton's younger sister, Riley, instead, probably wanting to give Michael and I the most time with Melissa when she got out of surgery.

"I know," he sighed, finally cracking inside as a sob struggled to be free from his throat. My eyes darted toward him as his tough facade finally tore apart and left a broken man beside me. "And you don't know how guilty I feel for making you get out of that building without her." He paused, gathering his thoughts before going on, "You know, she could've been here safe, yet we let her be stupid and get in that damn van and go on the raid."

I stayed silent, not knowing the words to say to comfort him. It was obvious to me that he was finally accepting the pain I accepted months ago. He was finally coming to terms with the fact that Melissa may not pull through this, and it was tearing him apart.

"Do you know what this feels like?" he asked, looking over at me with still blurred vision as tears filled the entirety of his sight. "I feel like I'm fucking numb and I couldn't feel a knife cut me even if I tried." He sniffles from beside me, the obvious gut wrenching I felt having fully encompassed his thoughts.