Decipher | Watty's 2017

XCVI. Catoptramancy

Catoptromancy

\kəˌtäptrəˌman(t)sē\

noun

divination by means of a mirror

Her blonde hair fanned out against the pillow in such an elegant way that I was hypnotized by the thought of having her by my side. The entire time that I had spent knowing was still so fresh in my mind as I recounted multiple times that I had tried to deny my feelings for her. Nothing was the same as those times any more.

I sighed, moving my hand to rub over my face as I thought back to only six months ago when I had found her crying within our bedroom. Terror had fluttered through my body as she spoke the one word I feared the most going into this relationship. Marriage.

I knew all my life that I wanted to find someone to share my life with, but after the tragedy of Cynthia and my aunt and uncle, I grew to forget those feelings of longing to be in the arms of a woman I loved and accepted the notion I would be alone forever. When I finally accepted this, I felt at peace, understanding that I would rather be alone than lose another person in my life.

But then I met her. I met the beautiful angel lying beside me in our shared bed and came to feel a sense of belonging when her arms wrapped around me. The way her blue eyes would stare into mine as though she were trying to figure me out. She took the time to memorize the way my eyebrows furrowed when I worried and the way I paced while I stressed.

She was the only person who took the time to delve within the innermost parts of me and study them intricately, as if I were a masterpiece within a museum. The beautiful and strong Melissa Jennings was my angel sent to watch over me, but more importantly, as I started to understand her more in depth, I came to realize that she was more than just that: she was my mirror.

As I looked down and studied her, I knew how alike we were in several different aspects ranging from our hopes to our fears to our dreams in some areas. I had studied her facial expressions even as she slept in an attempt to be able to tell exactly when she would have a nightmare so I could wake her before she was faced with another terrifying image. My eyes had traveled the expanse of her body so many times that I recognized every scar and freckle dotting her porcelain skin.

My fingers traced her skin faintly as my eyes remained focused on her face and watched her curiously while she scrunched her nose. Her beauty surpassed all of my previous thoughts of her and I attempted to remain focused in this time of inner struggle but failed. That was when the memory of our first actual fight came to mind.

"You want a commitment," I started slowly, observing her face as a look of guilt covered her features. She was so easy to read at these times as she hid within her own self and attempted to appear tough when all she wanted was love. I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering this was suddenly so prevalent in her life. Why was commitment such a big deal now? "And I want to know why," I voiced, looking down at her guilty expression with cold eyes.

I knew this wasn't the way to approach this situation, but I felt obligated to point out how odd it was of her to expect a different reaction from me. From the beginning, I had stressed how I wasn't the relationship kind of man, but she had pulled me. She held me captive in her kiss and forced me to love her with her words.

"Is this not enough for you?" I asked again, my heart aching as I thought of how this could end so terribly for us, even after all we had worked for. Her eyes finally met mine, they were filled with tears as if she were about to break my heart with her next words, and that was when I realized she was about to break my heart.