Decipher | Watty's 2017

LXXII. Deracinate

Deracinate

/dāˌräsiˈnā/

adjective

uprooted or displaced from a social environment

The next morning was accompanied by a hangover, which I dealt with on my own, excluding the pain medication Luke kindly left on the bedside table before he returned to the meetings that had become a daily nuisance to my life. I spent the day in bed, staring at the ceiling and talking to Calum due to his bed rest order still being in effect, not that I minded entirely.

Overarching thoughts flitted through my mind as I thought of what had happened the night before after Calum and Michael had gladly left the room, leaving me alone with Luke's cold-hearted stare.

"What were you thinking?" Luke sighed out, still holding my hair from my face in order to avoid the vomit from coating my otherwise clean locks. Obviously I couldn't answer due to the excess of liquor taking its vengeance upon my entire body; however, even if I could answer his question, I would not have anything to say in my defense.

I knew he was most likely angry at my 'irresponsibility,' as he called it so often, but I could never respond with a straightforward answer, always blaming my lack of social experimentation on my out-of-control behavior at some points. Despite my best attempts to be what he wanted me to be, a bad-ass girlfriend that would somehow know his imaginary limits, I couldn't comprehend how to such a thing.

It was hard to make the connection and distinction between something Luke wouldn't mind me doing and something he thought would chance my safety; however, I felt as though a double standard had been acquired throughout our relationship. My mind thought of it as Luke saying that I wasn't allowed to do certain things due to his protective nature, which I would respect, but that didn't mean I would always listen. In opposition, Luke felt like I was directly going against his wishes when I did something he considered to be 'harming,' but had no problem going against my wishes.

I was silent mostly, listening to Calum's snores lightly fill the room as he rested off his hangover. Since he had opted to take his prescribed today, I knew he wouldn't be awake for the most part as he was dozed off within the first few minutes of wheeling into the shared room of mine and Luke's. Instead of lying around useless, I did the laundry within the room and changed the bed sheets, realizing how much I needed to do these simple chores.

After finishing my cleaning in our room, I proceeded to clean my room, wanting it to be clean in case it were needed for some reason. While I was halfway into cleaning, I felt a familiar presence behind me, causing me to spin around and smile in the male's direction. I barely registered the scowl filling most of Luke's face before returning to my work.

"We need to talk about this Melissa," he spoke up, not making a move to stop me from folding the freshly washed bed sheets as I placed them into the small closet. I rolled my eyes at this, wanting to forget last night entirely as I remembered one of the most embarrassing moments of my drunken escapade.

"Why won't you marry?" I asked him, my words slightly slurred as I pointed one of my dainty fingers in his face. An incredulous look took over his face as he shook his head slightly at me.

"Where is this coming from?" he asked, his soft blue eyes becoming softer the more he looked at me. "I thought you were happy with me," he rasped, tugging me closer into his body as if he was scared I would run away from him due to his lack of commitment. "I thought you were happy with us," he whispered, placing kisses onto my head as I shook it in response.

"I am," I whispered back, looking down for a beat before staring back into his eyes and finding peace in the blue sea before me. "I just want to know that after all of this, we can still be together," I told him, feeling oddly exposed in front of him at that moment.