Decipher | Watty's 2017

LXXXIII. Exculpate

Exculpate

/ˈekskəlˌpāt/

verb

to show or declare that someone is not guilty of wrongdoing

I was having a horrible time trying to find peace in the situation before me. My best friend had died two weeks before the incident. My boyfriend was lying in a makeshift infirmary bed as doctor's sliced through his skin in an attempt to stop the internal bleeding caused by the block of cement that had fallen on him. Calum was having an emotional breakdown of his own. And Ashton was somewhere with Riley, trying to counsel her on what she had seen.

I rolled my eyes at the thought of being alone, having been so used to it before that I couldn't find it within myself to cry. The situation didn't even seem real, but I knew that it was. Something within me kept saying Michael would pop around the corner with that stupid grin on his face and tell me how Luke was just being a dumbass and would make it through this mess, but that never happened.

Tears came to my eyes as I thought of where Michael actually was. Buried under the mounds of winter snow and frozen ground, marked with nothing but a headstone and dying flowers. As footsteps became evident, I wiped my tears away and rose from my seat beside Calum, gripping his shoulder for support as I fought with my legs' weakness.

"Doctor," I addressed him, watching his lips pull into a tight lipped smile. I knew the man well enough not to become excited over the pleasantry since he would do this even in cases that he knew would only cause grief. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, the clock not ticking as quickly as normal as the words came out of his mouth like molasses.

"He is ready to see you," the doctor said finally, knowing that I would be off the moment he spoke those words. I ran toward the room that I knew he would be in as it was the one he was always placed in, the third curtain on the left. The curtain moved quickly as I took in his frame, a grin tainting his face, gauze covering the gash that had caught my eye when I had first seen him. He wore a white gown instead of his customary black clothes, which was a new thing for him.

"Are you just going to stand there gawking?" he questioned, leaning back on his arms and letting out a slight wince that he managed to cover well. "I mean, I know I'm hot," he said finally, met with my rolling eyes as he let out a hearty laugh. My strides were long as I made my way over to him, taking in his appearance as I tried to recover from my shock.

"You are not allowed to do that again," I sobbed as my nose began to run while tears were shed furiously. He frowned, his eyebrows pulling in as he gestured for me to be held within his open arms. "I can't have you dying on me," I sniffled, pulling away to look into his eyes and glare at him slightly, "You got that, asshole?" The smile that lit up his face as he laughed loudly was enough to make me forget about all of the pain I had previously been in while in the waiting room.

"As long as you don't give me any more scares," he whispered as he held my face within his two hands, pulling me toward him for a kiss. I rolled my eyes, giving into his touch as he encaptured me in his spell. The feeling of his body near mine was enough to satisfy my need for him, sending a hum in my veins similar to the feeling I got when I would consume too much whiskey on a night in with Calum.

I smiled at him, taking his hand in mine and tracing small circles on his knuckles as I kissed them lightly. "Deal Quiffie." Despite the obvious pain that laughing caused him due to the extensive surgery on his stomach, he laughed at the mention of his old nickname.

"Are we still using that?" he asked, playing with my hair lightly as he stared into my eyes lovingly.

I had never felt that way before, even when I was with Luke before this incident. The only thing I could come up with to reason this feeling of euphoria was the difference in our relationship now that Michael was gone. Now I had no one to threaten him but I didn't feel like it was needed anymore. Sure, he had his moments of questionable intentions but I never felt like he would hurt me intentionally. He was my rising and setting sun, and I knew that I couldn't survive without this stupid boy beside me.