unlovable

part 5

[vanessa's pov]
as my eyes open, i feel the memories from last night flow back to me.
i was drunk-- that's for sure, but i can remember everything that happened.. that is.. until i fell asleep. i look around. he's not here.
i pull the blankets off of me & stand up.
a pounding headache comes over me. fucking hangovers.
"good morning, sleeping beauty." he says from the hallway. i turn to face him, he's shirtless with a glass of water.
he walks to me & opens his hand to reveal 2 small white pills.
i smile, "thank you."
i take them from his hand and then look at him in confusion. he understands.
"it's excedrin, i know you're allergic to ibuprofen. i didn't forget, don't worry." he reassures.
he remembered. he gives me a small smile and hands me the glass of water. i place the pills on my tongue & take a sip of water.
"thank you, caleb."
i set the glass down on his dresser & my eyes scan over the room. his room is truly lovely.
"you're welcome to stay as long as you would like. i can take you back to your car, whenever, though." he speaks softly.
i simply nod in response and trace my fingertips over the edge of his furniture.
i turn to face him. he leans against the front of the bed. i walk to him & place my hands on the sides of my neck.
"why can't i love you? why won't you let me?" i question, rubbing my thumbs across the top of his neck. i lightly sit in his lap.
he remains silent & stares into my eyes.
"i just want to treat you well. i want to love you, let me love you." i plead.
he doesn't break eye contact with me.
"why?"
"what do you mean why?" i ask in confusion.
"why do you want to love me? why me?"
"you've asked this so many times. i don't want anyone else, can't you see? i want you because you're you. i want to love you because you're you. i admire everything about you. i want to give you everything that you deserve. i'm not giving up on us, caleb. you can say you don't want me anymore, that you don't love me but a change like that doesn't change in a matter of a day. something is going on and--" he cuts me off by kissing me.
he pushes me onto the bed and his lips connect with mine passionately, my body is on fire under his touch. his fingertips push through my hair. my hands run up and down his toned stomach.
i've grown familiar to the taste of his tongue & i can't get enough. he pins my arms to the bed & pulls my shirt over my head, whipping it to the floor immediately. his head dips down to start kissing my chest. then, his lips begin to travel lower.. to the top of my shorts. he hooks his fingers under the waistband and leaves small kisses along the bottom of my stomach.
he starts to tug them down..
"honey, we're home!" his mom yells.
he looks up at me in fear and we both start laughing uncontrollably. we scramble up, putting our clothes back on.
"hi, mother!" he calls out.
i grab my phone and pretend to scroll through instagram. he sits on the edge of the bed like nothing just happened.
his mom turns around the corner after coming up the stairs & walks down the hall to his room.
"vanessa! i didn't know you were here! it's so great to see you." she says, a big smile on her face.
"great to see you, too." i stand up & walk to her, giving her a small hug.
"how are you?" she asks, looking me in the eyes.
"i'm good! how are you? i heard you went on vacation?" i play along, keeping a conversation.
"yes! vegas was fantastic." she replies, looking over my shoulder to caleb.
caleb stands up and gives her a small hug.
"i'm glad you had a good time." he murmurs.
he makes eye contact with me for a moment and then looks back to his mom.
"well, i'll leave you two alone. it's good to see you vanessa, stay as long as you would like." she reassures, disappearing down the hallway.
"thank you!" i call after her.
when i turn to caleb, i start giggling.
he tries to make a serious face but cracks a smile in the end.
he grabs the sides of my shirt near my waist & tugs, bringing me closer to him.
he connects our lips once again & then leans his forehead against mine.
our connection is so strong, it sucks when we're separate. it feels like a magnetic distance, like half of me is missing. i hate that feeling.
all of a sudden, his phone begins to vibrate. constant heartbeats to be exact..
i look up at him in confusion. he shuts his eyes in guilt. when he rushes to his phone, he silences it & a pit arises in my stomach. no.
"who is that?" i question, searching his eyes for answers.
"no one important, don't worry about it." he lies through his teeth.
i know exactly what that means, i've heard it time and time again. i shake my head, grabbing my phone & my old clothes from his bed.
"take me to my car, please." i demand, walking down the hallway.
i walk down the stairs and pass the living room where his mom sits on the couch.
"leaving already?" she asks.
"yeah, i'm sorry. i forgot i had plans today. it was really good to see you, take care, okay?" i say, giving her a smile.
"will do, thank you. take care of yourself, vanessa." she advises, eyes shimmering.
"t-thank you." i croak, lump arising in my throat.
i leave fast enough so she doesn't see me cry.
when i get to his car, i hear the house door open and shut hard.
"vanessa, stop." he orders.
"no. fuck you, caleb. i can't believe you." i protest.
he tries to touch my arm but i shake him off.
he takes a deep breathe & walks to the driver's side.
i hear him unlock the car so i climb in quickly and buckle my seatbelt.
"vanessa, i'm sorry." he pleads.
"why wasn't i enough for you? why am i still not enough for you.. if she's your everything now then why isn't she the one here with you, huh? why isn't she the one you actually care about, actually want to be with. you said you just wanted to make me happy, but all you seem to do now is confuse & hurt me. it's like you want to, too." i whimper, trying to hold back all the tears threatening to fall.
he takes a deep breathe, "i don't know."
i glare at him, "fuck that. fuck your 'i don't know'. you constantly don't know, even to the easiest questions. you're so confusing."
he sits in silence.
"what am i doing wrong? why won't you let me love you, let me be with you. i give you my everything. is that what you can't handle? i hate the fact that i love you because you do shit like this. you always said you didn't want to hurt me.. and you didn't. all throughout our relationship. what switch flipped inside of you to be a dick now? i don't understand." i groan, running my fingers through my hair.
"it was janice." he mumbles, starting the car.

------
as soon as he pulls into the street, i'm ready to go. i don't even wait for him to fully stop the car. i whip open the door and jump out, slamming it behind me. fuck him.
he parks in the middle of the road and runs after me. i unlock my door as fast as possible and get in.
i throw my stuff into the passenger seat and slam my door. he places his hand on the window as if i would stay if he touched me.
i feel my eyes sting as tears fall down my cheeks. i stare straight ahead, and pull out of my parking space, ignoring his existence just like he seemed to ignore mine for the longest time.
i speed out of the street, leaving him alone.