unlovable

part 20

[vanessa's pov]
i sigh, "i already know where this road goes, i'll talk to you later, caleb."
i head for the door but caleb grabs my arm.
"can someone please tell me what's going on here!?" janice shouts.
"don't get your panties in a twist, sweetie." i give her the bitchiest smile possible.
"says the girl who caleb left, last i recall?" she taps her pointer finger on her chin.
"bitch, i may only have one fully functional arm, but i know i can knock your ass out--"
"stop it, both of you." caleb orders.
we both stare at him.
"janice, you came unannounced. clearly, i've been more distant.. and i'm working stuff out, but i still have feelings for vanessa. i always have, and i think i always will. i'm sorry, thank you for the memories.. i just don't think i can do that with you anymore."
her jaw drops, but then it softens into a smile, "it's okay, caleb. i understand completely."
i look at caleb in confusion. is she being for real?
wow. she handled things so maturely.
she sets the spare keys to his house on his nightstand.
she turns to exit the room.
her hair is tied back into a small bun, she has a dark complexion and brown eyes. she's wearing leggings, a purple long sleeve shirt and converse.
she freezes in the doorway, "oh, and vanessa?"
i await for her reply, but instead she comes closer & attempts to slap me.
i grab her wrist just before it contacts my cheek.
"don't." i growl.
her features soften, "take care of him."
she then turns & leaves.
i look to caleb, who's in shock.
i wrap my arms around him.
"i'm sure that was really hard, you didn't have to do that, caleb." i whisper.
he shakes his head, "it's fine, vanessa. it wasn't fair to keep it going."
i nod, "do you want me to leave?"
he looks me directly in the eyes, wrapping one arm around my waist.
"no. stay. please.."

that's what i would have loved to happen.
sadly, this was not the case.
"i'm so so sorry, this was just a mistake, listen to me, please.." he begs, holding onto janice's wrists.
i am sitting on the bed, numb.
what the hell is going on, honestly?
i grab my purse.
janice stares at me.
i walk up to caleb, "you know? i don't know what is going on.. but thank you so much for everything. thank you for making it clear. i'm sorry that you can't be honest with her. best of luck." i give him one last kiss on the cheek and leave his house.
as soon as i get in my car, i start laughing.
was i that stupid to believe he would leave her for me? wow, vanessa. you've reached your all-time low. cool.
i unlock my phone and turn on "these are the lies" by the cab.
as soon as i pull out of his driveway, i feel tears start flowing down my cheeks again.
are you fucking serious? again?
i wipe them away immediately & drive. i focus on the road, i am not repeating what happened. this is a new car, too.
as i'm driving, i realize who i pushed out of my life.
the guy who actually put me first, who loved me...
of course i loved caleb.. appreciated him, wanted him so badly..
clearly, it wasn't enough. i will never be enough.
i take a u-turn and drive back towards the familiar house where i spent so many nights.
it's really late, but i don't care. i need to apologize.
tears continue to flow down my face, making me angrier with myself.
"this town" by niall horan comes on next, causing more tears to fall.
leave it to niall to get you deeper in your feels.
i tap my fingers on the edge of the steering wheel to the gentle guitar in the background.
it's such a beautiful song, it's so raw...
it's not long before i'm pulling into a driveway.
i don't bother texting, i walk to the front porch.
there's no black subaru in the driveway, but the black jeep i'm so familiar with, is.
when i ring the doorbell, there's a really long silence. probably out with friends.
i turn around & start to walk back to my jeep.
the door creaks open, "vanessa?"
i bite my lip. tears fall faster, harder.
i turn around, "i'm so sorry."
i break out into ugly sobs & bury my face in my hands. he sprints out of his house and throws his arms around me.
"shhh baby, i got you. it's gonna be alright, i'm here." he quiets me down.
one hand is placed strongly on my upper back, the other is running down the back of my head.
i try to take deep breathes, but it feels although all the air has left my lungs.
caleb is gone.
caleb doesn't want you.
caleb is done with you.
caleb will always love her more than you.
i try to block out all of the noise.. why is everything so confusing?
cody hums "look after you" by the fray and i feel my body relax.
i hold onto him tight.
the cool autumn night surrounds us. the sounds of distant cars & cody's soft humming fills my ears, and it's quite lovely.
he stops humming, "want to go inside, love?"
i nod my head in response.
we disconnect & i wipe under my eyes with the sleeves of my sweatshirt.
he then takes my hand and leads me to the door.
i lock my car and step inside.
he closes the door behind me.
"t-thank you." my voice shakes.
he nods & kisses my forehead.
when we get to his room, he wraps his arms around me & rubs my back.

i wish the thoughts of being in caleb's arms would leave my head already. i think of caleb all the time.

i bury my head deeper into cody's chest, hoping that the scent of his amazing cologne & the sound of his steady heartbeat will clear my mind.

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damn, this chapter made me v sad :/

kind of a plot twist in the beginning, eh?

idk if i'm double-posting tonight.. hmm..

thank you for reading xo

- adrianna