unlovable

part 32

[vanessa's pov]
"don't you think you should get some help?" "vanessa this isn't like you."
"vanessa, you're out of control."
"this is ridiculous, your grades are dropping. we are so disappointed in you."
"have you gone crazy?"
"maybe we should get you some medication.. maybe try therapy again?"
"honey you're different lately, what's going on?"
questions flood in over the next week from the people in my life. i don't blame them.
it's thanksgiving.
the one time a year where my family can nag at me all they want about how little i eat on the occasion where everyone seems to eat as much as they can.
cody's family was really nice. i went to their thanksgiving earlier today & then he dropped me off here. he wanted to spend time with his family so he went back to his place again.
my nails are painted a mint blue.. i stare down at my hands under the table.
"so, vanessa.. your mom tells us that you are moving forward & doing more photography?" my uncle nolan says.
i look up at him, "yeah."
he takes a sip of beer and smiles. then another family member catches his attention and he talks to them instead.
i grab my glass of white wine and walk out onto the front porch. no one else is outside, just the way i like it. it's raining.
i exhale a breathe i didn't know i was holding in and sink into the cushioned bench that sits on the deck.
then, the neighbor's door opens. enzo steps out.
i haven't talked to him in over a year.
"vanessa?" he calls out, squinting to see if it's me.
i smile, "hi, enzo."
he walks off his porch and runs to ours in the pouring rain. when he reaches the top of the stairs leading to our porch, he stops to look at me.
his eyes scan over me, "you look amazing."
i laugh. what a dork.
"thank you, you look good yourself."
he's wearing dark jeans & a seahawks sweatshirt. his hair is spiked and wet from the rain. his brown eyes and dark hair are almost a comfort.
his voice is soft & calm.. he's such an outsider to everything. i try my best to be myself-- my old self. the me he remembers.. he doesn't deserve to see me like this. he's a good kid.
"are you okay?" he asks.
i choke out, "i'm great."
"bullshit, vanessa. talk to me.." he sits next to me.
for the first time, tears don't fall when i start talking.
i am completely numb.
"i'm just not okay.. just trust me on that." i mumble.
he wraps his arms around me. i take in his scent. a damn good cologne and a hint of fabric softener.
he leans back, "i'm here for you, vanessa. we haven't talked in forever but you have my number. you can talk to me whenever you need me."
"thank you." i lean back in the bench again.
after a moment of silence, he stands up, "of course. i should probably get back to my thanksgiving.. take care, okay?"
i simply nod as he turns and walks back to his house.
my brown hair cascades down my shoulders. it's slightly wavy. it's family tradition to wear sweatpants & comfy clothes on thanksgiving. however, this year, i decided on a knit sweater and leggings with black boots. i always want to make a good impression on cody's family.. even if it doesn't go along with my family's traditions.
i'm humming "somebody else" by the 1975 when i see a pair of headlights come down the street.
this is a small street hooded with tall trees. not many cars pass through here since the garages are in the back. then, the car pulls up into view.
i stand up, "cody.."
he gets out of the car wearing a white dress shirt, khakis & black dress shoes.
his hair is quiffed to perfection, like always.
when he comes closer, i realize something is wrong.
he looks like he's shocked? numb? what the hell is going on? what happened? i've never seen him like this. ever.
"cody, what's wrong?" i grab his arms as he meets me on the stairs.
it's almost like he's staring through me. i can't tell if it's tears or rain droplets scattered on his cheeks.
the redness of his eyes give me the answer... he's crying. he just stands in front of me, unable to speak. i pull him into my arms and i feel his back start to move up and down faster.
he's sobbing now.
"babe, what's wrong?" i whisper.
i hold him tightly. just because some fucking switch clicked in my brain doesn't mean i don't care for him anymore. i love him, i really do.
he leans back and looks into my eyes with his puffy, red ones.
"my mom... she's dead."

----
he held onto me for a good ten minutes straight on that porch. the rain was a comforting sound. the rain & his heartbeat gave me a sense of connection, of being at home.
he mumbled a thank you & i pulled him inside. i was careful to hide him until we got to the bathroom.
i gave him tissues and let him use the mirror so he could fix his wild hair.
he looks at me through the mirror.
"thank you so much." he whispers.
"always, cody. you know that." i wrap my arms around him. he stares at us in the mirror.
i grab his waist and spin him so he faces me.
he then leans down and kisses me. he's gentle & molds his lips with mine so carefully.
his lips are cold from being outside. it's a new kind of feeling i have never experienced before, and i happen to love it.
i rest my forehead against his, "i love you."
"i love you most." he says.
"we can leave if you want.. you don't have to do this.." i suggest. his mom just died, i don't want to put any more pressure on him with meeting my whole family.
"no.. i want to meet your family, vanessa." he gives me a small smile.
i take a deep breathe, "just a warning.. they're crazy."
i take his hand in mine and lead him out into the hallway.
when we approach the dining room, i see my mom's eyes reach us first.
"oh! yes!" she almost runs towards us, "everyone!"
she grabs the attention of everyone in the dining room and living room.
they all stare at cody & i. i hold onto his arm tightly and stay close to his side.
my mom motions her hands towards me, suggesting for me to talk.
"hi. this is my boyfriend, cody." i look up at him. he wears a big smile and gives a small wave.
how in the hell is he this strong? he surprises me on a daily basis.
all of a sudden, multiple of my family members rush up to us.

this will be fun.

----
FOOKING THANKSGIVING!!

okay i need to cool it with that lol

hope everyone is doing well(((:

thanks for reading!! xo

- adrianna