unlovable

part 9

[caleb's pov]
i sent her two messages. she read both of them & didn't reply. is she okay?
"caleb, baby!" janice squeals and sits on my lap.
i put on my best fake smile, "hey."
she wraps her arms around my neck and looks into my eyes.
"is something on your mind?" she questions.
yeah, vanessa.
"nope. everything is all good." i lie, running a hand over her cheek.
"okay..." she trails off.
she starts to ramble about some sort of drama in her life. my mind starts to wander.
i'm thinking about her again. why hasn't she replied? should i check on her? no, she would yell at me, probably.
i miss her long, soft hair. i miss her laugh & her voice. janice is cute, don't get me wrong and i'm getting used to being with her.. but there's still a piece of me that misses vanessa. this is so confusing.
"caleb-- are you even listening to me?" janice interrupts my thoughts.
i look at her, "what? oh y-yeah, of course!"
without giving her a chance to think or speak, i push my lips against hers. she smiles into it.
that was close.

-----
[vanessa's pov]
one of the best feelings for me is when you can relate to someone or something.
you feel less alone.
i have spent another entire week with cody & i'm getting so close to him. we've only kissed once since the night with the polaroid photos.. we're kind of like best friends.
everything is so great between us, he's so sweet.
i didn't want to fall for him, but i fear that i'm already too late..
i don't want to do this again, i had everything i ever wanted with caleb but now caleb is gone.
he used me. he definitely used me & it hurt.
there's a part of me that's still broken-- still misses him.. we don't talk much.. we're so distant now.
i told him so much, he meant so much to me & now i mean nothing to him. it just feels awful.
cody has been letting me stay overnight with him. my dad has absolutely no idea.. but if he knew, he'd probably kill me.
my legs lay across cody's lap, his arms rest on top my shins.
we sit eating candy & chips because that's just how we are. we love food.
i feel so comfortable with him.
he adjusts his position on the couch to face me, "let's talk more about music. you're passionate about music, baby. let's talk music."
oh yeah, forgot to mention he has many new nicknames for me.
i bite the tail off of a swedish fish, "what kind of stuff?"
"top 3 favorite bands. go." he states.
he watches me, eagerly awaiting my response.
"that's so hard!" i whine, "but, probably twenty one pilots, the 1975 & panic! at the disco."
his eyes widen, "no way! i love the 1975. panic! and tøp are great, too."
i swear i smiled so big my cheeks hurt. cody loving the 1975!? i could most definitely get used to this.
i watch him giddily open his phone to youtube, which has been paired with the youtube app on his tv. he types fast & presses something on his phone. seconds later, the "somebody else" video pops up.
my heart begins to race, this video makes me cry like a bitch. pretty much all of them, anyways.
i shift my body a little. cody takes his arms and wraps them tightly around my waist, pulling me close to him.
it's cold in the basement of his house, so we have a bunch of blankets & we're both wearing hoodies.
he has the sleeves of his hoodie pulled down to cover his hands slightly, and that shit is my weakness. our bodies fit perfectly together.
the soothing sounds of the 1975 overwhelm my senses, but i don't seem to find myself watching the video. instead, i watch cody watch the video.
the way the lighting changes in the video illuminates his face in a really cool way. blues, reds, purples... and he looks stunning with all of them.
i watch as his plump, soft lips move in the slightest along with the lyrics.
i'm so completely mesmerized by him.
"get someone you love, get someone you need..." this song is so beautiful.
i look down to his arms & hands which are still wrapped tightly around me.
my eyes scan over each detail, the way his knuckles form, the way his veins look.. this boy has to be art.
plus, one of cody's favorite accessories is rings. i'm definitely not upset about that. his rings are silver & thick, complimenting his bold hands perfectly. the song fades to an end. cody picks up his phone with his left hand and quickly selects another song.
the familiar instrumental kicks in, it's "loving someone", one of my favorites.
he locks his phone & just as he returns his hand to the top of my stomach, his hand brushes mine.
i stare down at our hands. maybe.. maybe we fit?
i slowly slide my fingers between his, and he embraces it immediately.
he takes his thumb and brushes it along the side of my hand.
a smile spreads across my face, and as the chorus begins, i turn to face him.
our eyes meet & i stare into the crystal colour that i adore so much. his eyelashes are long and cast a small shadow onto his upper cheeks. his eyebrows are bold & perfect, better than mine. his hair is thick & long, tinted like dark chocolate.
my eyes fall down to his lips, how soft & thick they are, the baby pink color & how his silver lip ring compliments all of his features so perfectly.
he also has a jawline for days.. his cheeks are perfectly contoured on their own. i smile. is he even real, is this real?
i'm staying in control. i fight every urge in my body to kiss him right now.
he then bites his lip, making sure to do it slowly...

& i lose the little control i had.

_______

hello!

i usually hate author's notes but my name is adrianna, hi(:

the picture i attached in this chapter is cody (i'll probably include a photo every chapter from now on..) he is a real person & is actual boyfriend goals in all ways..

he has no idea i exist but that's okay. i love him a lot & he helps me through tough shit. he's a great guy & i felt like he would fit really well in the story.

xo