unlovable

part 15

[vanessa's pov]
i hear him.
i can feel him.
i know he's there.
however, it's hella great up here.
after i felt like gravity had disappeared, everything went black. then, a figure outlined in white approached me.
i squinted to try to bring the figure into focus.
oh my god.
"grandma!?" i yell.
i get up from the ground and throw my arms around her. her belly laugh i always loved rings through my ears.
"hello, sweetheart." she speaks calmly.
"oh my gosh!" i look at her up and down, "grandma you look so beautiful!"
she's wearing a long white dress, her hair is pulled back and done to perfection.
her skin has a glow, she is beautiful.
i know she's my great grandma, but i always called her grandma. it just fit.
"you're the beautiful one, my dear. i've been watching you, you know. you've been through a lot." she begins to walk in the dark, empty void with me.
"grandma.. i just wanted to make you proud. you don't know how much i've missed you." i try not to cry.
"honey, i've missed you too. you don't belong up here, though." she looks at me and shakes her head.
"grandma-- i don't want to go back. there's nothing left for me, i want to be happy & free up here, with you."
"sweetheart... you have so much time for that. the universe isn't done with you yet."
"but-"
"no arguments, please. there's some people who would like to see you." she smiles, waving her hand in front of her.
all of a sudden, the outline of a door appears.
she pulls on the handle & we enter a blue room. it looks like a living room, almost.
sounds fill the room quickly.
barking, meowing, squeaking, squawking...
are. you. serious.
i immediately fall to my knees, crying hysterically.
all my past dogs, my cat, my guinea pig & my bird greet me excitedly.
i'm ugly sobbing on the floor.
beaner jumps on my stomach, licking my face. my birthfather forced us to put him down when i was 5. he was my protector. lady, my grandma's old dog greets me excitedly, too.
as well as mya, who recently was put down. i missed her so much. she looks so healthy & happy.
lucille, my guinea pig sits upon mya's back. they finally learned to get along. she squeals with excitement. i kiss her on the cheek and run my hand over her back. i give mya a kiss & pet her ears.
mikey, my old cockatiel sits upon my head. i giggle and pet his head.
once i hand mikey back to my grandma who stands beside me, i saved the best for last.
tiger, my cat. i pick him up in my arms, he's so big. he was put to sleep when i was 13. one of the hardest things ever.
i don't think i've ever cried so much in my life.
i look down at all my past pets in front of me. i'm so happy to see them all.
"vanessa is here!" my grandma yells loudly.
the door to the back of the room whips open, my great grandpa comes running in.
i haven't seen him in 12 years.
"vanessa, sweetheart! you're here!" he grins.
i throw my arms around him and hold him tight.
"i missed you. i love you." i mumble into his sweater. he always smelled like good, old cologne.
"oh, honey. i missed you most. i'm so proud of you."
i start crying even harder.
after we hug it out for a while, i pull away from him. he looks fantastic & he looks really happy.
he's not in pain anymore. i love him so much, i was always so worried about him.
this feels like a dream.
suddenly, the door opens again. this time, my grandpa jeff comes in.
he died when i was 2, i never truly got to meet him & know him. i always wanted to.
my mom always told me that he watches over me.
i look at him, speechless. he now stands before me. he looks so much like me.
"hi, grandpa." i smile, tears forming in my eyes again.
"so good to see you. you've grown into such a remarkable young woman, you know that, right?" he engulfs me in a hug.
my mom was right, he does smell really good.
tears fall down my cheeks again, i can't believe this is happening.
the sound of the door opening again makes us disconnect. my uncle chuck & my dad's dad walk in. followed by more loved ones & family friends.
my heart is racing.
tears won't stop falling down my cheeks. i'm so happy to see them all.
how on earth could i ever want to go back now?
how could i possibly leave them again?
i hug them all & thank them all for supporting me.
they tell me everything, how they can watch over me and if enough people come together, they can help me through situations.
it's been a very emotional day for me.
mya lays on my lap as i sit on the floor.
they have pretty much the same food & everything, a lot of everything is the same, actually.
it's nice. it's really nice.
all of a sudden, "how to save a life" by the fray plays in my ears again.
that's the 26th time music has played, and i don't mind it at all.
i want to think it's caleb, or maybe it's just my brain playing tricks on me. i think it's caleb, though.
maybe he's visiting me?
hell, who am i kidding. he has janice.
he worries about me though.. and he's always by my side. maybe it is him.
either way, i hum along to it.
his whispers fade through my ears sometimes, too.
usually "come back" or "i miss you" or one time i heard "i love you" which is bullshit.
the song fades out from my ears & instead i hear tiger's purring from the couch.
i smile and adjust myself to lay on the floor.
everyone sleeps here, or some may travel. you have to do certain deeds or work a certain amount of hours down here to get granted access to the living world. you can visit, those who are alive just can't see or hear you.
that's how my family has kept an eye out for me, they all work hard to keep me safe.
it makes me feel good that they're all happy & healthy, living their best lives.
i always worried about them. i have some closure now. everything down here is so different, yet so cool. with those thoughts, i relax & drift into a peaceful sleep.

-----
[caleb's pov]
why can't she just wake up? i want her here. i need her here. i'm starting to go crazy, i'm a mess. it's been an entire week without her.
i just want her to wake up.
the doctors say if she doesn't wake up within the next few days, we'll have to decide whether or not to pull the plug on her.
i always start sobbing at the thought of losing her for good. absolutely not.
she needs to wake up.
she's healing well, though. her busted lip has healed, as well as most of her cuts. her bruising has went down a bit & her rib is doing much better.
her arm is still broken, she'll need the cast for about 3 months. i'm so grateful she's still next to me, breathing. if i sleep, i have nightmares. about losing her. it's hell.
i hold her hand all the time. i always pull up a chair & stay close to her. i just miss her.
i miss her smile, her laugh, her voice, her stupid jokes, her attitude, when she pouts her lip, when she bats her eyelashes.. fuck, i just miss her.
she needs to wake up.

-----
oooh damn, vanessa is living the LYFE!

poor caleb lol

thank you for reading xoxo

- adrianna