I'll Show You

Chapter thirty-six

It has been two weeks and I have two very important things to worry about. The case... and the pregnancy test that I'm going to take after.

I'm so fucking nervous and I can't contain my thoughts. All I can think about is the worst of everything.

I am pregnant. We aren't going to get justice. Well... I'm not trying to say being pregnant is the worst thing because it's not. It's suppose to be beautiful, but right now... I don't see myself as a parent or mother. My life will change and so will Justin's.

Do you know how hard it was to watch Justin get accused of getting a girl pregnant years ago? Fans went wild over the shit and it wasn't even true. The story was shit... but now... there could be a possibility that he is going to be a father and he thinks everything is going to be fine and dandy.

Does he not understand that there might be a little me and him mixed together growing inside of me? A person that he helped make... I know he loves kids. He has always been sensitive and very loving when it comes to children, but it just seems like he really doesn't see the responsibility.

Justin will make an amazing father. He will give them all the love they need and want, but it just scares me because of how famous he is. Our kid is going to be swooped up into the spotlight all because why? He or she is Justin's son or daughter and then they won't know what normal is like.

At least Justin and I knew what normal was like before, but our kid won't ever know what normal is like ever as long as he or she is known to be Justin's kid.

That sounds kinda harsh, but it's the truth. Once I start showing(If I'm pregnant) then everyone is going to know it's Justin's baby and then the cat is out of the bag.

Ugh. I just wish I would have been way more responsible. I should have never went to the bar that night. Never would have thought I would ever get something slipped into my drink, but it happened. I'm glad we were safe though and also I'm glad everything that happened that night was with Justin and not someone random.

It could have gotten bad and I am so grateful that it didn't get out of control.

Damn, I need to get to the point I'm literally ranting on and on. See, I told you I rant when I get nervous.

Ugh.

Anyways, my point is I am fucking nervous and today I find out if my life is going to change completely.

Justin is so confident about the case and he has been very supportive with the pregnancy stuff. He is actually excited. He hasn't stopped talking about the baby since I mentioned it to him. He needs to slow down a bit. I don't want to take the test and then it come out negative after he has gotten excited because then he would be excited for nothing. I would think he would be relieved, but.... with the way he is acting I'm not too sure how he would act in that situation.

Justin is getting ready for court once again. I'm already ready to go. Right now, I'm laying on the bed staring off into space. I'm just so ready for this day to be over with.

"Babe, I'm ready to go." Justin said adjusting his dress shirt.

I'm not ready.

"Alright." I said with a ragged breath escaping my lips afterwards.

"That sounded terrible." He said with a chuckle.

"I feel terrible." I replied refusing to get up.

"Come on, we've got to go." Justin said hovering over me. He leaned down to land his lips on my cheek.

"I want another one." I said slightly smiling for the first time in a while.