I'll Show You

Chapter forty-two

Justin|

Thank god Chris went to sleep after hours of interrogating me. I couldn't take her blabbering lips for one more second with non stop questions. She only does it to occupy herself, but sometimes it gets a little annoying. It makes me love her even more though.

I'm staring at her right now as she sleeps peacefully. I grabbed a throw blanket and placed it over her so she wouldn't be cold. Her hair was in her face, so I moved it all behind her ears and laid my lips on her forehead. She probably doesn't even know what was going on. She is knocked out.

It's almost time to board off the plane and I haven't gotten any sleep. I just can't. I've tried to close my eyes, but every single time, my mind keeps me awake. I barely sleep anymore anyways. I usually just stay on my phone and scroll through Twitter and look at memes on Instagram.

And No, not my personal Instagram, I deactivated that a while ago with all the drama with the media and negativity. I almost deactivated my twitter, but I use it more than any other social media app so there isn't really a point to deactivate it. Scooter uses it as well. I just go on there to creep and sometimes throw out a tweet to let everyone know I'm still alive.

I realized, I haven't been getting on Twitter a lot like I use to, but social media is just not my thing anymore. It's all just one big lie. Social media doesn't identify me as a human. It identifies me as a rich snob who is an asshole with millions and millions of followers. Trust me, I am very very grateful for the amount of followers I have and all the love that people dedicate to me, it's just not me anymore.

When I was just getting started in the music industry and I had all the girls coming up to me, it felt great. I loved it, I really did. It was amazing to see how me...a little Canadian kid with just a guitar and a voice... could make that big of an impact on someone's life.

It warmed my heart, but now it's just not the same feeling. It's more of a "I'm exhausted." Feeling. What people do not understand is... all of the excitement and the energy coming from the happiness of the fans, it just drains me. I would stand all day for hours taking pictures over and over again, doing the same poses, same fake smile and no one saw how it was affecting me.

People would sneak in and make it longer for me, and I get it, some people do not have the money to throw out on a two thousand dollar meet and greet, it's understandable, but the more I stood there witnessing people fight over who was going to stand by me in the picture or just fighting in general over me... a human being. I knew right then and there... I was done.

I couldn't take it anymore. I knew it would hurt some people and that wasn't any of my intentions. I just had to do that one thing for myself. I always pleased everyone else, and did things to make others happy. That's the kind of guy I am, but not anymore. I'm doing what makes me happy now and the real people who love me and support me, will still be here in the end.

I never would have thought in a million years I would be who I am today. Just a few years ago... I was busking on the streets to save money for a trip to Disney land and I started getting serious with singing and one day, I decided to post videos on YouTube and bam. Here I am. It's just crazy. I knew the day when I sold out MSG for the first time, I knew my life was never going to be the same, even before then, I knew I would never be just Justin anymore.

I was the kid with the hair, the kid with the girly voice, the kid who stole all the girls hearts from all around the world, but yet, no one ever labeled me as just a kid. I was thrown into the industry when I was twelve and ever since then, not once have I ever felt normal.

My normal now, is walking down the street with cameras in my face, whether it's my fans now or paparazzi, because they want a story whether if it's for the news or their snapchat stories. I've accepted that this is my new normal, but I have not accepted how people treat me. I'm still fighting for respect, which I shouldn't have to, but you know, no one outside of my bubble will look at me as a human.