My Silent Undoing (Frank Iero)

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

Chapter Thirty-Nine:

I wake up to a slight pain in my head. Oh tequila how I loathe you in this waking moment of agony. I then turn to look to my left and see Frank with his eyes slowly opening.

"We shouldn't have done that." I utter in disbelief. I can't believe this.

"You should have said that after the first time." Frank says with a smirk on

his face.

"Quit reminding me. I know we did it twice in a row." I groan.

"Exactly. You know I am amazing." He says jokingly. I roll my eyes at him.

"Shut up Frank this is serious. No one can know of this." I declare.

"Oh yeah especially Adam...." He rolls his eyes at me this time. I see a flash of jealousy in his eyes.

"What did you say?" I snap angrily.

"You heard me. I see how you look at him. You should have fucked him instead." I find myself pulling further away from Frank.

"You are such an asshole." I quickly grab the sheets and get off the bed to get dressed. "And don't worry this won't happen again. You can count on it. You can go back to your precious Karen." I tell him in anger.

"Oh please. You just want Adam!" He screeches. "Karen? She doesn't matter to me at all."

"No I don't. And it doesn't matter because we are over Frank!" I yell at him. "Also you lied about nothing happening between you two. I saw you two kissing the other day." I let it slip. I see his eyes widen in response.

"Yeah, yeah we totally are." He says bitterly. "Also, yes I may have kept that hidden. I'm sorry, but I didn't want you thinking something was happening between us. She just came on to me, and I didn't want it."

"So suck it up. No one can know about this because I actually don't want

to hurt my family and friends. Gerard, Mikey, Ray, and Bob mean everything to me. So deal with it." I exclaim. "This was a one-time deal." I turn to leave him to get dressed, and get the hell out of here. He grabs my arm.

"Lila, wait." I stupidly turn to him. His pleading voice I can't resist.

"What?" I bark at him.

"I'm a dick, and I'm sorry. I don't want us to regret this, ok? This is never just sex to me. It has to always mean something when it comes to you." He looks at me, and he just looks so vulnerable. His eyes are soft now.

"It can't this time Frank. We already had our time. We aren't right for each other." I say even though the words don't feel right on my tongue. They feel wrong. My chest tightens.

"Please don't." I almost stay, but I know it's wrong. I have to leave him. We aren't for each other. He broke me, and he doesn't really want to be with me now either.

"You can't give me what I want Frank."

"What do you want?"

"A relationship. Not fun. I want a commitment." His hold on my arm loosens, and his eyes are wide.

"You want a relationship? With me?" He sounds like he's in shock.

"In general Frank. I don't want to just be casual with anyone. It's a waste of my time. And last time we didn't work out. You know that. We can't do this again to our friends. Or to us." I say.

"We were afraid to let us work. You know that we'd still be together." Frank says gently.

"You just kept things to yourself, and told me last minute before you left to go on tour. How can I depend on you...No we aren't bringing up the past anymore. I want a relationship with someone that wants to be with me, and that will be honest with me with everything happening in his life."

"I get it, and I don't know if I can give you what you want." Frank utters softly. Then there is silence in the room. I can hardly breathe from all the tension in the room.

"Please leave so I can shower and get ready to head out back to the tour bus." I say so lowly. My voice was almost gone. I feel like I could barely speak from what he said.

"Okay. Lila, I care about you a lot. You know that, right?" He asks softly.

"Yeah. You just can't give me what I need right now." I utter without emotion.

By the time I'm out of the shower and am dressed in jeans and a black V-neck shirt I open the door to my bathroom to find the room empty. Tears openly stream down my face. He is gone. And we will never be together again. A knock on my door sets me out of my reverie. I go over to see that it was Ray. I smile and open the door.

"Hey RayRay." I say softly.

"Hi. Are you okay?" He asks gently. I shake my head in response and I let him get into my room.

"Frank came to our room after missing from last night. He looks absolutely miserable. So, I figured to come check on you." He notifies me.

"F-Frank and I hooked up last night. And this morning we talked, and we both want different things. I just can't wrap my head around the thought that we are never going to be together again." I begin to weep as Ray holds me close and plays with my hair in a comforting way.

"Lila, I'm sure everything that's meant to happen will fall in place for you." He whispers softly.

Later on, he lets me relax on the bed and packs for me. Which I argued I could do, but he refused it. Like in a haze I barely remember leaving the hotel and getting back on the bus. I slipped in to my bunk and passed out from exhaustion of crying so much.