That's Why I Love You

Chapter 3

Lexa

She was leaving today. She was going to Arkadia, the place filled with guns, death, and political injustice. And she was in the middle of it all. I could've stopped her, and actually, I still could. She was my subject now and I could punish and restrain her as much as I pleased. But I knew what she wanted, even if she couldn't quite admit it herself.

I watched my minuscule people rush around in the streets of Polis. I was going to go to war because of what Arkadia did. I would have if Clarke hadn't stopped me. It was obvious that she was only trying to save her people when she persuaded me to take on the new motto. Although, one look into those pleading eyes and I probably would've called off the war and given her a city.

But, she still had an interesting point. I did believe her when she said that only my actions could stop the war. I believed her when she said the only way it would end was with everyone dead.

And so I agreed.

Looking back, I wondered if it had been worth it. Most of my people now despised me for my decision. More of my people would end up dying if Clarke is unable to handle the situation. And Clarke...if her people were just gone, then I wouldn't have to worry about them being a danger to her. Clarke wouldn't have to go back. She could stay here and be safe. With me.

"Heda...the Sky People are leaving...," A voice said behind me. I startled and hoped that he hadn't seen me.

I closed my eyes and nodded. The guard quickly shuffled away.

I clenched onto the wall of the balcony. I had been here yesterday with Clarke. What if that was the one and only day that she would be on my balcony? What if she was never on my balcony again?

You're being unreasonable, Lexa, I told myself. Clarke is strong, sometimes stronger than I, she'll come back in one piece. And hopefully, she will have tended to the situation.

I tore my hands away and walked swiftly out of the room.

Octavia and and the rest of the guards had already mounted their horses when I arrived. But Clarke was standing and looking around. She looked like she was looking for someone specific. Maybe she wanted to say goodbye to Aden?

She spotted me and her face lit up. She was happy when she saw me. She really wanted to see me, I realized. I tried to force down the smile, but I couldn't. And then I thought of Clarke disappearing down the road in a few minutes. My smile turned cold.

"I was looking for you." Clarke said, a brilliant smile still plastered on her face.

I stopped for a second. She was looking for me? She had been waiting for me?

We stared at each other for a minute before Clarke's eyes started to water.

"Clarke? What's wrong?" I asked, concerned. Was she sick?

"I don't want to go." Clarke said. "I...I need to be here. With you."

I looked down on Clarke and smiled. Even given the sad situation, it still made me glad to hear Clarke confess her feelings.

"What you need is to be with your people." I said, grabbing her hand.

"Our people." She corrected.

I nodded. "Our people."

I took a breath. I had thought about what I was going to say to her all night. I didn't want to be the Commander around her, but I needed her to know that I would do what was necessary for my people, including her. I needed her to not make me have to intervene.

"I need you to promise me something, Clarke."

Clarke nodded. "Okay."

"Promise me you won't get yourself into more danger than you have to."

"I--"

"Promise me that you'll radio in whenever you can. I want to updated with the situation. I need to know if there is a threat to the safety of our innocent people. And I need to know if there's a threat to you."

"Ok-"

"And promise me...," I said, stepping forward. I reached out and put my hands on either side of her face. I stared down into her eyes. My guards were watching, but I didn't care. They were sworn to secrecy, and if they disobeyed, I'd know. I leaned my forehead against Clarke's and closed my eyes. Her skin was cold, and I wanted more than anything to bring her back up to my room and wrap her in furs. I hoped her mother would do that for her later. "That you'll come back safely."

Clarke sighed and hesitated. I knew what that meant. She knew she wasn't going to make it out unscathed. I knew she wasn't going to make it out unscathed. But I was lying to myself, and she couldn't.

"Lexa..." She murmured.

"Just say it, Clarke." I said.

She nodded. "I promise."

"Thank you."

We pulled away. Clarke's tears had overflowed and one had landed on her cheek.

That was when, for the first time since being Commander, I doubted everything.

Why was I doing this? Why was I allowing her to go when I could do something about it? How had I gotten so attached to her?

Was being Commander worth losing her?

"Lexa?" Clarke asked. My eyes readjusted on her. The tear was still on her cheek.

Without thinking, I reached forward and brushed it off with my lips. I could feel Clarke's cheeks get hot and grow red. When I pulled away, Clarke was looking at me with widened eyes.

And then she did as she had in my room. When she thought she was going to leave in an hour. And when she thought that nobody was going to get shot before her departure.

She grabbed my neck and gently pulled me in, pressing her lips against mine. I had been unconsciously waiting for this since then. But the wait was worth it.

All the fear that Clarke had for me when I got shot poured into me. All the worry that had been coursing through her while I was recovering was revealed.

And all the emotion of this possibly being our last kiss came from both of us.

Clarke pulled away and sniffled. The tears were coming down now, and I took the back of my hand and gently wiped them off.

I didn't know what else to say to make her feel better. This was happening, and there was no way I could dissuade her sadness. Gustus's words from before...before I killed him...rang through my head.

"Ste yuj." (Be strong).

Clarke nodded and pulled away. I still held onto her hand as I helped her onto her horse, trying to touch her as much as I could.

And then the time came where I had to let go.

I gave Clarke a sad smile and nodded as her horse walked off, following the rest of the guards. And then she turned, and she was gone.

I walked to the last guard of the procession and spoke to him in Trigedasleng.

"Tell the Arkadians that if they hurt her, there will be a war."

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A/N: I don't know about you, but I love protective Lexa. Please comment and/or vote to let me know what you think so far. Thanks for reading!