That's Why I Love You

Chapter 44

Lexa

I laid on the cushioned table, staring up at the ceiling. I eventually peeled Clarke off me and told her I was leaving. She heard and muttered some incoherent response. She would come to see me before I entered the City.

Raven had discussed everything with me. It would be up to me to get into the City, but Raven would then guide me to the "kill switch". While she did this, I caught looks of sympathy from her. She was absentmindedly clicking something into the screen above her when she spoke.

"I'm sorry." She said. "I shouldn't have told Abby."

I swallowed. She was doing this for her people, just like I was. "It is alright. It needs to be done."

"Clarke's never going to forgive me." Raven murmured, her eyes searching for reassurance.

"She will. She'll need you, all of you. And if she doesn't, tell her that I forgave you." I said.

"Even if you do survive, she still won't forgive me." She said. I tensed. Even if you do survive. So it seemed there was a greater chance of death than survival. She realized what she said. "I'm sorry. You'll be okay."

I smiled. "You apologize too often...just like Clarke."

Raven glanced at me and smiled. She got up from her seat and walked over. She held out disks with wires attached to them. My eyes followed the wires to the screens.

"These are just going to measure your vitals—your pulse, your temperature." She explained.

I laughed quietly. "I don't think that will matter. I won't wake up until it is done or I'll die."

Raven didn't respond. She stuck the disks onto my skin, and I felt a sharp pinch where the needles entered my skin.

"I know you'll be okay, but I want you to know you've become a really good friend to me. I forgive you for Finn, and for blaming me for the whole poisoning thing and for Mount Weather. Honestly, I'm really going to miss you." Raven said, hesitantly grabbing onto my hand. I was shocked at first, but I grabbed back. We shared a gentle moment of sad smiles before the sound of the Arkadia doors opening rushed into my ears. I couldn't see who it was, but Raven could. She let go of my hand and took a step back.

"Abby." She said.

"Is she prepped?" Abby asked coldly as if I was just another one of her patients.

Raven looked down at me and swallowed. "Yeah. She is."

Abby took a seat and pulled herself closer to me. Her eyes softened when she saw me so vulnerable, laying down with wires connected body. Her hand reached forward as if she was going to smooth my hair back, but she pulled her hand away. I recognized the action. She always did that with Clarke.

"Raven told you what to do?" She asked me.

"Yes." I murmured. She nodded and stood from the seat, walking over to Raven was working. I took the moment to stare at the ceiling and blink back the shiny veil of tears in my eyes. I told myself I would hold back for Clarke, and even when she wasn't here, I found myself trying to control my fear.

Octavia and Lincoln came in next. They stood on one side of the table, and Octavia's hands rested on my forearm. She gave me a soft smile and brushed my hair back as Abby was going to. I always loved when my hair was played with, but I wished they were Clarke's hands.

"Yu gonplei nou ste odon." (Your fight if not over) Lincoln said. I swallowed back my tears and smiled. Why was I so fearful? I was going to be fine. I trusted Raven to get me through this, and I trusted Clarke's love to bring me back.