That's Why I Love You

Chapter 16

Clarke

After Lexa had settled down she went off to take care of some things for our departure. I took a horse and rode it back to Arkadia to say goodbye to Mom and my friends. Riding back I tried to think of what I would say. But my mind was empty. I didn't know if I could say goodbye.

There weren't any guards stationed in the watch towers. Only one stood by the gate, and watched me as I walked up.

"What do you want?" He growled.

"I want to see my people." I said, dismounting the horse.

"These aren't your people." He said. "Not anymore."

I was taken aback. These were the people I fought for, the people I killed others for. And now he was telling me that they weren't mine.

"Excuse me?" I said, offended.

"You can't share a bed with their leader and then act as if your loyalty lies with us." He said, his face contorting in anger.

I shook my head. "That leader is your leader. And she would have your head for saying that. I'm willing to not tell her, however."

The guard scoffed. "She's not going to do anything. You made her soft."

I narrowed my eyes, but maybe he was right. I had changed her, and for a while I thought it was for the better. But if she had gone soft, how many bad decisions could she make? Maybe she would spare someone who could actually be a danger to her.

"Let me in." I growled.

He shook his head and laughed. "No way."

"Let her in." Mom walked out hurriedly. When the guard didn't act, Mom walked over and opened the gate herself. I walked in and she embraced me. When she pulled back, she was smiling--something that I hadn't seen in a while.

"How are things?" I asked, concerned.

"They're a lot better." She said. "Pike's supporters are mad, but we can deal with them."

"...And Bellamy?" I asked. I hoped Bellamy wasn't punished too severley.

Mom's eyes widened. "He's not here."

I stepped back and my stomach dropped. Where was he? Did he leave on purpose?

"We've been looking for him, but he's probably fine. He just needs a few days." Mom said. I nodded and followed after her into the Ark, but I couldn't stop worrying about him.

"So what are you doing here? Are you coming home?" Mom asked. I shook my head. I had to tell her now. I didn't think that she would be happy, but even if I wasn't involved with Lexa, I would still need to go back to Polis as an Ambassador.

"Uh, no." I said, looking at my feet. I didn't want to see her reaction. "I'm going to Polis. And I'm going to stay there for a while."

Mom looked sick. She looked heartbroken, and as if she were going to cry.

"We just got you back, Clarke." She whispered.

I shook my head and reached foward to grab her arms. "And you'll still have me. I'll visit, and Raven can give me extra batteries so I can call every few days. I won't ignore everyone this time."

Mom nodded sadly. "Okay." She looked up at me suspiciously. "Why are you going back?"

I tried to avoid her eyes. "Um..well I need to stay as an Ambassador."

"Clarke." Mom said. "That's not really why you're going."

I smiled sheepishly. She knew me too well. "You're right." I looked up, meeting her bright eyes. "I've finally forgiven Lexa, especially with her helping with us. I don't want to waste any more time."