That's Why I Love You

Chapter 12

Clarke

"Lexa..." I murmured. She shook her head slightly, but she wouldn't turn around and face me. I don't think she could. I wouldn't be able to face someone who'd just called me a monster, either.

"Lexa, I'm sorry." I said.

"Don't apologize for your opinion, Clarke." Lexa said coldly. I closed my eyes to hold back the tears. It wasn't my opinion. I didn't think she was a monster, but she would never believe me. I had never said she was a monster, either, but everything I had said to Bellamy added up to being a monster.

We arrived at Lexa's camp. Her warriors looked at us with disdain–me most of all. At least Lincoln and Octavia looked like them. I assumed Lexa had told them about letting Lincoln and Octavia pass, and they weren't happy about it. But I made it much worse. I didn't know if I could be with Lexa when her people hated me like this. I didn't know if I could be with Lexa at all, not with what I've done.

Lexa turned to Indra and whispered something to her in Trigedasleng. Indra nodded and walked towards me, and I watched as Lexa walked off. Soon she was immersed in the mass of Grounders, and I lost track of her.

"Clarke." Indra snapped. I looked up at her and embarrassingly realized that Indra had spoken to me.

"Yeah, sorry." I said, taking my eyes away from where Lexa disappeared.

"Come with me." Indra said. I followed her like a lost puppy. Without her, or Lexa's protection, I would be dead by now.

"Where?"

"You'll see."

"Where?" I asked again. Was she leading me a tree to be tied to and tortured on? Was Lexa that upset?

Indra sighed and stopped in her tracks, facing me. I took a step back, startled.

"To your tent."

"My tent?" I asked. I would've thought I would share one with Octavia and Lincoln. Or maybe sleep by the fire.

"She didn't want you to know, but she had a warrior ride forward and get as many men as needed to set it up. She wanted you to have a place to rest as soon as you got back." Indra said. I smiled. She cared.

I followed Indra with a little bit more pep, knowing that Lexa might eventually forgive me. We passed Lexa's tent, and I expected mine to be close by.

But we kept walking. We kept walking until we were on the other side of the blockade. We were a good half mile away from Lexa's tent.

"Why are we so far away?"

"I don't know." Indra grumbled. And then she left, her armor clinking as she walked. Like Lexa's did.

I walked inside the tent. It was about the same size as Lexa's and decorated almost exactly the same. The only thing that was missing was her throne. There were an abundance of candles on the table and I smiled. She loved her candles. And she wanted them for me.

I walked over to a large table right by the opening of the tent. There were sheets of parchment, paint and charcoal spread out on it perfectly. Feeling the parchment, I wonder if Lexa had done it. But then I realized she couldn't have. She was with me the whole time.

I walked over to the bed, took off my boots and crawled in the furs. They smelled like they came out of Lexa's room. I buried my face in them and closed my eyes, feeling safe in a place I wouldn't have called home three months ago.

I woke up to sunlight shining through the material of the tent. Octavia was sitting in chair across from the bed, and her quiet presence startled me.