That's Why I Love You

Chapter 26

Lexa

I kept my eyes glued to the back of Novi's head. His black curly hair was the only thing I could look at without guilt overcoming me. I could feel Clarke watching me, her blue eyes desperately trying to meet mine. I couldn't look at her especially.

The lift reached our floor and the Nightbloods walked out, going back to their room without needing any direction. I was saddened by the fact that this special day for them was ruined. I didn't blame Clarke for that. I blamed myself.

I hurried out of the lift and Clarke followed after me. I wish she wouldn't, but I knew she wanted to talk.

"Lexa, wait." Clarke called after me. I walked into my room and left the door open, knowing she'd trail after me. I walked straight to the balcony and held onto the railing with white knuckles. I wanted to break. I wanted to hit something out of anger, but I didn't want to upset Clarke any more than she already was.

"Talk to me." She cooed, walking up behind me cautiously. I swallowed and glanced back at her out of the corner of my eye. "Please."

"You should go back to Arkadia. You'll be safe there." I said.

She paused. "No."

"Clarke."

"No, Lexa. I'm staying. I will always stay. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Clarke, it's become more apparent than your safety is not guaranteed here." I said, trying to keep my voice from becoming a strangled sob. I didn't want her to leave. I never wanted her to leave. But I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her because I selfishly wanted her to stay.

"My safety isn't guaranteed anywhere. I'm a reckless person, Lex" I smiled. There was that "Lex" again. "I think we've had this conversation before, and I'm guessing we'll have it again. But my answer will always be the same. As long as you're here, so am I."

I choked back a sob and closed my eyes. She really knew how to woo a girl. I turned around, finally ready to face Clarke. My eyes were brimming with tears that threatened to overflow. Clarke saw my eyes and her face softened with sympathy. She walked forward and brushed a tear off just as it was beginning to fall. Clarke's hands remained on my cheeks.

"I'm scared." I whispered, feeling my shell break apart until I was left emotionally bare in front of her. She realized how hard it was for me to admit that. I could see it in her face.

"I know. It's okay to be." Clarke said. "My girlfriend's the Commander. That's pretty scary."

I laughed as another tear fell down my cheek. Clarke brushed it away with her thumb.

"People have made threats against you. They've made them against me and will continue to do so." Clarke said. "That's not going to stop me from being with you."

I smiled and nodded against Clarke's hands. "Me neither." I whispered.

"I'm guessing it was Titus or just someone trying to scare us. Your people will find Titus. And then you can do what you need to." Clarke said. I nodded.

Clarke pulled me closer to her and I tucked my head under her neck, pressing it against her shoulder. She hooked left arm around me, caressing my face and smoothing back my hair. "I promise I'll be fine."

I nodded into her, but I had a sick feeling she was wrong. My gut screamed to put her on a horse and ride far away from here where Titus couldn't find her. However, I think she'd object.

We stayed like this for a few moments before Clarke spoke.

"I think I should go check on Raven. I haven't seen her since yesterday morning." Clarke said. I reluctantly took my head away from Clarke's chest and nodded, wiping the last of my tears. "Do..do you want to come with me?"