Alyssa's Second Chance [Completed]

10-Toasts and Final Wishes

The drive was short, but the silence in the car was deafening.  I tried to start a conversation a few times, but I couldn't pull more than a few distracted words out of Amir.  I can't tell if it's me or he is just upset after the funeral.  After a few tries, I gave up on talking and turned on the radio.      

 A few minutes later, we pulled up to a huge white plantation style home.  Without a word, Amir parked and exited the car.   Caught off guard, I trailed after him as he walked to the entrance and entered the home.  Moving through the entrance into the foyer, I look for Amir who seems to have disappeared.   Well, I guess I am on my own.  At least, he gave me a ride to the house. 

I find Emily in the living room sitting on the couch with her sister.  She doesn't look sad anymore.  She looks lost.  I recognize that look in her eyes. 

Two years ago, I sat in my own living room surrounded by my own friends and family.  They tried to comfort me and tell me that it would all get better.  I couldn't tell you what most of those friends said or when they arrived or left my house.  It was just like a dream.  It was a terrible one that just wouldn't end. 

After David's service, my mind and body decided that I couldn't handle anymore and I became numb.  I hadn't eaten or slept much for days, but I no longer felt hungry or had the desire to sleep.   I couldn't talk about my feelings because I really didn't know how I felt anymore.   I just knew that my life would never be the same.  I sat on that couch for hours as all my visitors left and my house became almost empty until I had a breakthrough. 

My sons came up to me looking for a hug.   I realized that I was being selfish.  Their loss was as great as mine and they needed me.  As I sat holding them in my arms, I knew that I had to be there for them.  I had to put them first.  It was so tempting to let go and continue to fall into that dark hole of isolation.  It was fate that they looked for me at that very moment.   They had thrown me a line at the very last second.   I could still pull myself out of what I felt was the impending spiral of depression.    It was that moment that chose to live instead of just barely existing.  

As I sit with Emily, I hope that she will have her own epiphany.   I spent an hour sitting with her on the couch.   I try to get her talk about her feelings, but she seems to focus most of the conversation on my experience of losing a spouse.  I think she is just trying to avoid talking about her own loss.  I let her steer the conversation into the murky waters of my pain until a large group of DNT executives approach. 

The diversion is a godsend.  They begin extending their condolences and I take the opportunity to slip away.    I held it together pretty well in front of Emily but reliving all of those memories was awful.  I feel tears building up in my eyes and I start frantically looking for a private place to get myself together.  Avoiding eye contact with the other guests, I search for a bathroom.  Coming around a corner, I collide with a hard body.    I look up into those bright green eyes that I haven't spotted for hours.

"I was just looking for you," Amir said, holding what appeared to be a bottle of expensive scotch and a couple of glasses in his hands.  "You look like you could use a break and I think I need one too."   Handing me the bottle, he pulls me the direction of the stairs with his free hand. 

"Where are we going?" I ask, suspicious of his intentions as he continues to guide me through the home to what seem to be bedrooms.   I don't know if I trust myself to hang out with him drinking.   I've always been attracted to him, but now his magnetism seems impossible to resist.

He opens a door revealing what appears to be a large guest room complete with a sitting room and veranda.  "This is where I usually stay when I visit.  It's quiet up here, even when it's chaos downstairs."  He opened the French doors to the veranda and walks out and places the glasses on a table.  He motions for me to join him on an outdoor loveseat. 

I cautiously sat down, placing the bottle on the table in front of me.  I watch as Amir fills both glasses to the halfway point and hands me one.  I feel my heart racing, but I ignore it. 

"To Geoff," Amir toasts. 

"To Geoff," I clink my glass with his and take a drink.

"Scotch Neat.  It was his favorite drink.  Emily hated it, she was certain the scotch was going to kill him.  It's ironic that cancer got him in the end."  He sighed and continued. "I used to bring him bottles of Scotch when I would visit and we would come out here and talk about life.  He was like a second dad to me."

His eyes look glassy and I give his knee a gentle squeeze.  He puts his arm around me and pulls me toward him until my head is resting on his shoulder.  I breathe in the deep woodsy scent of his cologne making the opportunity to cuddle difficult to resist.    His smell, his warmth, and his touch are numbing my senses more than the alcohol. 

"I talked with Geoff a week ago.  It was just a couple of days before he died.  Do you know what he wanted me to work on?"  He finishes his drink and puts the glass aside.

I follow suit, finishing my drink and putting down the glass.  "No.  What did he want you to do?"

"He wanted me to get to know you.   He thought you were pretty special.  I am starting to understand what he was talking about."     He turned and caressed the side of my face as he looked into my eyes.  "I am sorry that we started out on the wrong foot.  I wish we could just start over." 

"I'd like that." I smile and before I can stop it, a small yawn escapes my lips. 

"I bet you're exhausted.  Take a nap for an hour.  I won't let you oversleep. I promise."  He whispers sending chills down my spine. 

I am hesitant to take him up on the offer, but I am exhausted.  The lack of sleep last night is catching up to me.  I nod and say "Thank you." 

He leads me to the bed and pulls back the covers.  He motions for me to sit on the bed.  As I do, he gently begins unpinning my hair.   When he's finished, I snuggle into the bed and he tucks me in.  Part of me is disappointed that he didn't join me.  I know that's ridiculous.  He is my colleague and I need to keep our relationship professional.  It's just easy to forget that when we are together. 

I close my eyes and inhale his scent on the pillow.  I feel myself drifting off to sleep.  Then, I feel the bed dip slightly as he seems to sit down on the edge and gently stroke my hair until I fall into a blissful slumber.