Alyssa's Second Chance [Completed]

18-Scars of the Past

Our waiter came to our table and took our order.  It gave me a moment to avoid the subject as we ordered, but it was only a momentary delay. 

"I had a feeling you would ask.   I've had the scar for years.  It's from a surgery to repair a childhood injury.   The scar isn't pretty and I used to hide it, but it is part of me.  I'm not ashamed of it any longer.  The experience helped me become the person I am today."  I smile at Amir hoping that I satisfied his curiosity.  

I expect Amir to say something, but he just leans closer and waits for me to continue.    I take a breathe and add, "A few years ago, I went out with a group of my girlfriends and we decided to get tattoos.  When it was my turn, I added a favorite quote to my scar."  I take a sip of my wine.  Hoping that was enough of an explanation, I look up and find Amir's eyes.  I have his complete attention and I know that look.  He won't let the subject drop.  He wants to know more.     

He breaks the silence and takes my right hand in his.  "I saw the tattoo when I zipped up your dress.   'She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.'  The words are beautiful.  I really want to hear the whole story.   You can trust me.  Please tell me how you got that scar."

My mind started racing trying to figure out where to begin.  I take a sip of my wine and look into his eyes and begin.  "I started ballet classes when I was three.  When I was little, it was fun.  I was always a girly girl.  I loved the tights, tulle skirts, ballet slippers and having my hair in that perfect bun.   I had a great teacher who focused on the fun.  I was a good at the fundamentals, but I struggled to feel the music and my timing was always off from the rest of group.  That was fine in the beginning.  As I got older, ballet became more competitive.  I hated struggling to keep up because dance didn't come naturally to me.  I stopped enjoying my classes. "

"It's hard to believe that you could be anything other than the top of your class.  Did you stop dancing?"  He asked as he gently rubbed his thumb over my hand. 

"Not at that point.  Part of me wishes that I would have been honest with my mom and told her that I didn't like dancing anymore.  I wanted to make her proud and she always thought I was the most beautiful dancer in the group.  She loved me and was blinded by her pride.  To make her proud, I worked twice as hard as the other girls in my classes." 

I pause and see that Amir is still hanging on my every word.  "When I started sixth grade, I progressed to the point where I needed to move to dance academy with a stronger program.  I spent all of my time practicing.   I still felt like a mediocre dancer, but I was better than the other girls in my original dance studio.  I was referred to a larger and more professional academy on the other side of town.  I interviewed and was accepted, but I went from being a big fish in a little pond to a guppy in a tank full of sharks."

Amir seems to move a bit closer to me and asks, "Did you get along with the sharks at the new academy?  I'm sure it's hard to be the new kid."

"Exactly, it's always hard to be the new kid.   It's even worse when you're the youngest student in an advanced group.  I was tall for my age and was almost the same height as my mom.  I was thin, but starting to get some curves.  I looked pretty mature for a sixth grader, but I was young for my grade and only ten at the time.  Most of the girls were a few years older and eager to move up to professional level.  I looked like I was their age and they immediately saw me as competition." 

I skip over the bullying and how our Mistress at the Academy looked the other way.  She had her favorites.  She loved the best dancers.  The ones who would be the next success stories for her academy.  They could do no wrong in her eyes.  No student would dare report one of her favorites.