Alone Together. [An OM&M FanFic]

Chapter 32: Who Put That Rock In Your Chest?

Hannah.

Ever since the night of the show in Tennessee, I felt broken in heart, emotion, and spirit. The time in the hospital was kind of a blure, I remember being looked and poked and proded at, feeling helpless and having to have a distraction, Austin, Phil, Aaron.. Anyone to distract me from the nurses and doctors touching me with their cold and gloved hands.

I was in the hospital for two weeks, and I was just so greatful to get to go home, well, back on the bus. I was wheeled out and helped onto the tour bus by everyone, since I had a huge ugly cast on my foot now and I was still weak feeling from the night of.

Apparently there was a lot of blood loss, some internal bleeding, and my foot was swollen and bruised to the point where they were shocked I walked afterwards at all. I was asked a lot of questions, was put on a lot of different medications, and found myself being tested for a lot of different things that I guess were mandatory for my situation.

I even vaugely remember a police officer coming in.. Well, two, and asking me some questions until I fell asleep, then coming back another time, asking the same questions till I fell asleep again. I guess that means everyone knows.. That I was.. Ya know, raped.

I feels like everyone's walking around on eggshells for me, and that seems to be the only emotion I can conjure up, annoyance. I'm fine now, I'm not dead, I'm going to heal, they can just let things go back to the way they were. Right?

I sat in my bunk, Alan's phone next to me so I can use his Wi-Fi, typing up some sciene homework and trying to concentrate with some time to myself while we drive to the next place since we're behind.. Thanks to me, when Aaron poked his head in my bunk smiling softly.

 I sighed and looked at him with a quick flick of my eyes before resuming my typing on my laptop, and focusing again. "What?" I asked softly, my voice sounding likes it's cracked. It was almost like the voice of a fairy.

"I was just told to come see what you were up to, you've been in here a long time and you've been really quiet." Aaron commented, looking over my face while I looked at my bright screen, only seeing him from the corner of my eyes.

I shrugged and closed down the school work I was working on and the screen seemed to get darker thanks to my background of the galaxy. I lazily looked over at Aaron and knew my hair looked unruly, my face tired from the lack of sleep I've been getting at night thanks to the nightmares that've started up, and my body probably smelt like I've been sitting in my own feces.

"So, you're okay?" He tried again, and leaned in on his arms.

Really? What kind of a question was that?! I know Aaron's intentions are good in asking, but still.. Not something you ask a rape victim. "Fine, I choked out, pulling my hair into a sloppy, knotted bun at the top of my head. I just need to finish some school work to catch up." I tried clearing my throat, but the feeling hurt even worse and I really hated anything that caused me even a little pain nowadays.

"Dinner will be ready soon, and then there's the upcoming venue tomorrow, are you going to come?" He wasn't budging, and I figured it was because they were trying to work out my vocals again and my human enteraction. My courage has gone to shit thanks to Louie and here right now, talking to Aaron, I hated it.

"Am I coming to dinner, or are you asking if I'm coming to the show?" I rubbed my face, which was puffy and sore from crying, and looked at him as though he's grown two heads. "You know I can't do either. Anytime I try to eat anything it just comes back up, and as for the show.. I don't think I'm ready. I hate looking over my shoulder all the time at every turn around a corner and I'm too scared to sit alone sidestage. It's just better if I stay behind and work on school stuff so I can take a few days off."

I swallowed the lump building in my throat and felt dead inside. I really wanted to be able to be the same person I was growing into at the beginning of this trip, but of course, with my luck, I should've known better. Nothing will ever be the same, and now the guys are even going to give up, shun me, and hate me forever because I can't even suck up my emotions enough to watch a show in a venue.

Aaron just nodded though, and opened my curtain all the way slowly so I had enough reaction time to process his harmless movements. My reactions always seemed slower nowadays, another thing I hated. Aaron took a deep breath, and as he exhaled he held out his hand to me and stepped back from my bunk to give me some space. "Austin atleast wants you to try and eat, for him."

That made me feel worse, so of course, I took Aaron's hand with my uncontrollably shakey one, and hopped down from my bunk with a light thud, thanks to my drastic change in weight loss. I kept hold of Aarons firm hand, feeling steady as I led him (with his hands help keeping my shakey self up) to the front of the bus, I could feel all eyes on me.

"Hi." Phil attempted to sound normal, which I appreciated, but we all can't ignore the elephant in the room.. Me.

"Hi." I mumbled, giving my best grimace as a smile and sitting at the little bus table we'd always used for dinners, and looked around at everyone who had already started on their plates. "What's good?" I asked, looking down at the plate and feeling out of place.

"Everything!" Alan chimned in, smiling like he'd cracked my shell. If only someone could... I thought as I tried faking it till I made it.

"Sounds like none of you did the cooking then." I joked in my hushed, monotone voice and looked around the table with my face facing down at my plate, and my eyes scanning the table. Everyone smiled, except Austin who was silently watching me and my food.

I mentally prepared myself for the upchuck that I knew was going to be the outcome later, and forked some carrots into my mouth, three at a time. The feeling was weird and the texture of something that used to be so normal, felt foreign to me now. I could pick out all the imperfections in this carrot, and what made each one better or worse, or even just different than each other.

Is that how Louie thought of me? As he was locking eyes with me, charming me, flirting with me, kissing me and thrusting himself onto me and stealing away something that should have been my most sacred choice to do with as I please? Was I just another carrot that he could taste, feel, and pick out all the imperfections in it?

"Hannah are you okay?"

"Did you burn your tounge?"

"Hannah?!"

So many voices around me that when I came to where I was and what we were doing, I hadn't even realized they had stopped eating and were all staring at me concerned, or that Austin was now next to me and rocking me in his arms, cradling into his chest with tears dripping down my face like rain streaking down the window.

"I'm sorry.." I mumbled, trying not to look at any of them anymore, feeling completely embarrassed and humiliated, in a place I should feel fine and comfortable. What now Hannah? I annoyingly asked myself, sniffling and rubbing my eyes redder as Austin just continued to hold me and stroke my hair as his chin rested on the top of my head, giving me shelter. "I'm sorry.."

"No, it's fine, you're fine. Just relax, try and forget about the place you just went to. Stay here, with me, okay?" His voice was raspy and hushed and a warm sensation spread over my eyes. The time and place of Louie filtered and changed to the now, with Austin, being held and actually happy.

I was so into my own issues still, that I didn't even remember getting tired, or falling asleep....

 ((Kind of a short chapter, I know, sorry! But I needed kind of a filler, which I TRY SO HARD not to do, so I could get to the next chapters. Hope you're enjoying it so far & if you're reading Kiss Me Again too, even with all its missepllings & etc, you like it too. Thanks everyone! Hope you all had Happy Holidays or could make someone else's happy!<3 xoxo!))