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Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Harry and I strutted outside in our lounge wear, hand in hand. I lived on the outskirts of the city. My street was less busy than other areas. When we entered the city we ignored all the disapproving glances from business men and women. We were happy and having fun, that's all that mattered. Harry even made a point to flaunt his pajamas in the faces of the most serious looking businessmen who passed us.The city seemed to grow in population as we neared the center. It hadn't occurred to me why so many people gathered near us, until a mob of men appeared with massive cameras all pointed at Harry - or rather us. The grip Harry held on my hand tightened. He leaned down in whispered something in my ear. I couldn't make out his words over the shouts of paparazzi and fans. The men in sloppily causal clothing shouted horrific things towards Harry. The longer he ignored, the more cruel the paps became. I heared the phrases such as "mystery date," "the girl," "on to the next," "worthless wrench," "all for the fame and money" "dochebag." Continually, they worsened. I was getting dragged into the mess. It's no wonder young stars become train wrecks as they grow up in the spotlight. It's impossible to escape the hate that leads them to spirl out of control. They choose drugs and alcohol to escape the pain.

 It felt as if we were at some kind of prison party, where we were supposed to be enjoying the strob lights and attention when in reality it was absolutely miserable.

Grimaces and glares. The faces behind the camera lens had no hearts. The only thing they cared about was getting the best reaction from him. I've never understood the pain until now.  I had forgotten who Harry Styles really is. He isn't my secret. He isn't the kid who screwed things over before - he's a world icon now. He isn't like me. Never did the thought of being surrounded by strangers all morning appear in my mind until now. I had pictured a relaxing day walking around the city. I had picture a day without a care. Free spirits enjoying the twists and turns of life. However, this isn't enjoyable. This is not the day I pictured. I felt the brush of Harry's hair on my cheek as he leaned in to me once more. I focused all my energy into hearing what he said apposed to the shouts of the others. 

"Care for a drink?"

I was startled. Was drinking his way of ignoring the cruel men that follow him everywhere? We'd just woken up! Drinking would only end up in creating an even worse day. Was Harry following the path so many other celebrities have walked?

"Harry! It's the morning!" 

I yelled up to him. He laughed to himself, but did not turn back to explain to me. He made sure never to let go of my hand as we quickly walked down the side walk. He led the way, also blocking me from some of the flashing lights that were painful to the eye. How does one enjoy this profession? Do they wake up every morning feeling as if they've done good to the world? It's all such a strange concept. Many people love paparazzi for what they supply the world with, but at the same time many people despise them for such rumors and photos. 

"This is it,"

Styles opened the door to a cafe for me, like a gentlemen. I've got no idea how he remains calm in such an abnormal situation...but I suppose it's his normal...

The paparazzi and fans remained outside by security enforcement. Why was security here? Harry quickly led me up the stairs in the back to an upstairs dining area, one in which no cameras could see us. It was a unique kind of cafe. Clashing colors filled the rooms walls, furniture, and other random objects. A small amount of other customers sat upstairs, but many more filled the tables downstairs. Somehow, it managed to look chic rather than putrid. There was a gross forest green colored couch - which looked as if it could have been in an ancient royal palace - overlooking the city. Harry and I cozied up on the coach, still holding hands. My mind was wandering, thinking rapidly about everything that had just occurred, but with his touch on mine, I felt safe. 

"I'm so sorry!"

I blurted out, uncontrollably loud. I ducked my head awkwardly hoping the other cafe customers who happened to be dining up here weren't upset by my poor manners. Harry chuckled, 

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because I got us in this mess. And I ruined the day. If only I said we would stay inside all day then we wouldn't have gotten mobbed. And you wouldn't have to hide up here and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry---" 

"Woah, woah, woah," Harry slid me closer onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me, rubbing them like he was calming a panicked child, "this isn't your fault. The day isn't ruined. We'll just enjoy it the way we can. Trust me - we aren't stuck here. There are loads of fun things we can do in this city..I know that they aren't ideal for a relationship but please, we can do this."

I signed. Being wrapped in his arms was strangly comforting. It's amazing how times can change so quickly. I used to despise every bit of him. I used to be sickend when I heard his name or was remebered of my childhood years with him. Suddenly, he's back again and mending the probelms he created.

Should he be allowed to mend them so quickly? 

The thought filled my mind for the first time. Originally, I had no interest in letting him back into my life, but there was something irresistable about him. Not his lusious hair or dreamy eyes, nor his dimples, though they may be very inticing. 

What is it that I crave so much about him?

Harry nudged my shoulder reverting my wondering mind back to "planet earth." I looked up at him as he glazed at me with a wary smile. 

"Where'd you go just now?"

"What? Oh, nowhere. Uh, anyways," trying to reroute the conversation, "what interesting things are there to do here?"

"Well, really I should be the one asking you, but today, I'll show you around your city."

"But we can't go outside, Harry..."

"Yes we can!"

He bit his lip suductively waiting for an agree from me. Lying on his chest, staring up at his hair flopped over his forehead and his smooth skin.

"Look, maybe I shouldn't have brought you out here in the first place. I forgot," he looked away from me, after noticing my detached feelings. I was trying so hard not to make it obvious that I was second guessing whatever it is that we are. He continued, looking anxious,

"They're menasas. If they said anything to you - know that they don't even know what they are saying. They just want good press. I'm sorry. Please, don't loose hope on this - us. Please. I need you, Jamie. I need you."

In the moment I hadn't a clue of what to say. For most of my life I tried so hard to forget the class clown I crushed hard on in elementary school. He lied to me then he can do it again. I redirected my life in hopes never to see him again. I blocked out so much in life because of any slight recollection of him. 

Now, all of the sudden, I forget the past. We just move on like nothing happened, or a leasts that's what he wants. He says he needs me. He didn't then. How does he know now? How do I know? 

I should have been stronger. Should have held my ground. Shouldn't have been so easy to allow him to creep back into my life. He should learn his punishments, right? Just because he may be a pop star now does not mean I should treat him like an innocent child. His had his time to be innocent. 

He is guilty. 

Not guilty of crime. Guilty of breaking and entering. Not of a building or a car. Of a heart. Wrecking every piece in his possesion. Can I trust him to protect it now?