This Is Us But You Still Playing

Chapter 18: Step One

A/N Someone commented a song  few days ago. It caught me off guard because I hadn't finished this chapter yet 😕 but I finally finished it so thank God for that.

And if any of you write books yourself and want to write smut but don't know how, there's this book in my reading list about how to. He talks about like the realism of scenes and details and such. It's really good. The best thing I got from it, Even though I had already had a feeling about it, was if you don't get turned on as you write it then you're doing it wrong. Lol I swear it's true ANYWAYS...ENJOY!!❤❤

I was sitting in front of my computer, waiting for the number on my younow to grow. I sent out the tweet and snap/Instagram picture about my younow a few minutes ago. It was the first thing I posted in a little over a month to my social media profiles since my incident at the VMA's and I wanted to finally address my fans about the situation openly.

"Okay guys. The number is decent now. So, I want to do a Q and A with you guys about everything. Use the hashtag Y/Nyounow for all your questions."

I waited a few more minutes for the questions to grow before I searched the tag. I didn't want to jump straight in to the serious stuff so I started with the lighter questions.

"Okay, let's see.... first question is, 'How do I feel about my tour coming up?' Um, flabbergasted. And shouts to me for using a five dollar word."

I said popping my collar and laughing to myself.

"But, seriously it's insane. I never thought I would be here, ever. So, the fact that there's enough of you guys worldwide that want to support me and see me do well is just amazing. Like arenas are where like, football games and soccer games and racecar races happen. It's... insane."

I said smiling at the screen before looking back to my Twitter feed. As I was scrolling, a picture of my second albums sells were being compared to Adele's 21 album sells.

"Oh yeah. Guys I saw this before. It's crazy how you have me beating Adele's numbers for my second album. Like its Adele. How do you guys even like me that much?"

I said genuinely asking the question. I kept strolling, stopping to answer a question about how my mom feels about my career.

"Oh, she's like any most moms. She's extremely shocked but just as proud. If she's not with me for one of the legs of my tours, then she's constantly calling or texting me trying to make sure I'm okay. I came back from Europe last tour and she spent hours interrogating me about the continent. But hopefully, soon she'll be able to see for herself."

I scrolled some more, waiting for a question that didn't have to do with Dinah and I.

"Ooh. When was the last time I seen Kendall or Kehlani? Well, Lani has been touring and stuff too so meeting up has been sort of a struggle. But we talk every few days give or take. She's still one of my close friends. Kendall has been modeling out in France for people out there for the last year or so. So, the same thing goes for her as well; every couple of days we'll talk."

I kept scrolling through, answering questions that ranged from my music to my family and friends. I was purposely avoiding all the Dinah questions and questions about the VMA'S. But once that was all I would see as I looked through my feed, I sighed and placed my phone down looking at the computer screen.

"Okay. I know all of you really want to know what happened at the VMA'S since I haven't really spoken on it. Alot of what happened was caught on camera. From me when I watched Dinah's performance and my performance to me trashing the dressing room and then me passing out. And I can't really explain fully what caused that to happen because it was alot of things piled together. I can barely explain it myself.