"How dumb is it that people actually ship us together?"
"So dumb..."
"You would never actually have feelings for me, right? I mean like, it's just crazy."
"Yeah...I guess..."
"I could never imagine my best friend as my boyfriend. That be way too weird."
"...Totally..."
"Are you okay Dan?"
"I'm fine."
Dan
I woke up with tears in my eyes. I can never remember that conversation without getting sad. Even though it happened for like 2 seconds, it just shows how much he doesn't care. Well, at least not like I care.
I heard sound coming from the kitchen so I asumed that Phil was awake.
I rolled out of bed, still bitter from the dream I had had but also hopeful that he had waited for me. I loved it when he used to wait for me to wake up so we could have breakfast together. It hadn't been that way for a while. He was always on his phone and eating when I usually walked into the living room.
Today was no different.
Phil was sat on our couch with the TV blaring Japanese speech that I (addmitedly) didn't understand much of. Smiling at his phone. As much as I adore his smile, I felt quite sad that that smile wasn't facing towards me.
He finally noticed my entrance into the room and turned off his phone hastily.
"Good morning!" He said it with such happiness that I almost forgot about the dream.
Almost.
" 'Morning." I said, flat and expressionless.
"Are you okay Dan?" I guess he picked up on my bad mood.
"I'm fine."
We were supposed to go into town today, just to buy some things for the house and possibly props for videos. I was ready to go in 5 minutes. Phil on the other hand took about an hour.
I was going through Tumblr, trying to pass the time until Phil was ready. I really didn't want to admit it...but I, from time to time, read fanfiction. I still believe it is just a creative outlet for people to express themselves, but I wasn't reading them for the great literature (well as great as literature can be in a fanfic).
I read them mostly for the escape.
I wanted a world where Phil loved me like I loved him for so many years. A world where I was unapologetically me around him and didn't have to hide my feelings. Every story gave me hope that one day he might come out with his real feelings for me.
Although I knew that would never happen.
Fanfictions are just that: fiction. They would never become a reality, my reality. Although stories gave me hope, I always knew that I was kidding myself.
I was almost done a short one when Phil started to scream my name, yelling at me to get my coat on and get out the door.
And just like that, I was pulled back into reality. Where I was still just his friend and Phil Lester would never love me.
But I was fine.
YOU ARE READING
Smile {A Phanfiction}
FanfictionDan loved his smile. That was probably his favorite thing about Phil Lester. Although he kept on smiling, Phil was torn on the inside. Although he kept on smiling, sadness washed over him. He kept on smiling, for Dan. Dan has always loved Phil, bu...
