Smile {A Phanfiction}

Smile (chapter nine)

Phil

Dan was still hidden away in his room for the next week or so, I was starting to feel alone in our shared flat. Our conversations were only a few minutes long;

"Hey."

"Hi."

"What are you doing today?"

"Just editing stuff..."

"Cool..."

They were also immensely awkward...

We each had posted on our own channels for that week. But we never even had breakfast together or watched anime any more. I knew we were drifting apart. I didn't know why. But the worst part was...
I wasn't doing anything to bring Dan and I back together.

Dan

The waves of the water crashed against the shoreline, every one sinking back into the blue abyss that it came from. Phil looked over at Dan and noticed that Dan was already starting back into Phil's eyes, which were as beautiful as the sea the two were walking beside.

"When do you think we should tell everyone?" Phil asked, still a bit worried about what people might think.

"All I care about is you." Dan replied, "Our friends are supporting and caring, our families aren't going to disown us, and our fans..." Dan trailed off.

"Our fans would accept us with open arms and excited squeals." Finished Phil, with a laugh.

"Dan laughed too, knowing that it was probably true."

I was beginning to enjoy the company of my own fantasy Phil more than the original. Sometimes I would think that, but then I'd call myself crazy because I could never love anything more than the person across the hall. But I was working a little too hard on the fan fiction.

I wanted to talk to Phil more, I really did, but new ideas would always sprout and more feelings would cluster. But I also, on top of everything else, had new videos to put out and edit. My life is basically a mess, okay?

Phil

I had no one to talk to, so I decided to go over to Chris's for the day. He was free and I needed some friend time... 

And Dan was giving me none of that.

"Where are you going?" Dan had stopped me in the hall just before I was going to grab my shoes and leave.

"I'm headed over to Chris's house..." I thought for a moment. "Do you want to come with me?" I asked; one final attempt to hang out with the person I had been craving for my entire life to spend time with.

Dan waited a second.

"Umm, I think I have one more video to edit."

"Really? Another video?"

"Yeah, can you tell Chris to wait a bit for me to finish?"

"I'm leaving now, so unless you can finnish editing your video in 5 minutes, I'm going without you!" I was kind of aggravated at this point and wasnt going to put up with any of Dan's excusses anymore.

"Oh... well have a good time I guess.." Dan said quietly before going back into his room.

I could tell I had offended him. I felt really bad even while walking out the door and on the underground. The entire trip I was a mess of anxiety from thinking about how I had lashed out at Dan. But I also thought back to my personal thoughts about Dan, how I cared for him, and how he would never care for me back. It was about time I took control. 

*************

When I finally arrived at Chris's flat, he greeted me at the door with a hug and most of my thoughts of the previous encounter with Dan had melted away. Chris and I hadn't talked since PJ's last house party, which was like 2 months ago. I had actually really missed Chris and was glad to be spending time with him.

"Where's Dan?" Chris asked while making the pair of us some green tea.

"He was busy with videos."

"Oh..well thats a shame, but at least your here!" He exclaimed wile handing me the scolding tea.

We were just planning to watch bad movies and talk. And we got on the subject of our love lives...

"So," Chris said, setting down his tea and freeing up his hands, Chris talked with his hands alot, "Got anyone you have your eye on lately?"

I imediatly thought of Dan. Thought of his dumb smile and great personality.
But then I remembered the conversation we had before I left.

"No, not really." I lied.

"Drop the act," Chris got serious. "I know you have feelings for Dan."

"Chris, stop. We're just friends, and anyways, lately he's just been in his room and hasn't had an actually conversation with me." I blurted out all at once.

"Okay fine!" Chris laughed, "You dont have to yell."

"Sorry."

"Anyways, I was wondering, if you wanted to try out this new dating site?" said Chris. "I wanna find a date and it sounds like you have been out of touch for a while, so maybe you could use one as well."

I laughed. There was no way I was going to go on some stupid dating site to get a date. I was not lonely.

"Okay, Mr. Imtoocoolforadate Lester."

*************

I left Chris's home about 2 hours later, and got on the train home.

I got pretty bored so, purely out of boredness, I looked up the dating website that Chris had suggested.
And I may have made an account.
And I may have looked through a few profiles. 

And I definetly felt guilty.