Diana

Chapter 39 - Unacceptable

❝The guilt still sends me chills on my spine, my mind all focused about Louis and I's argument and Taylor and I's third kiss. Stress wonders around my body, my mind wanting to shut down because of the pressure. I walked to the porch, the fresh wind lowering the massive pressure, my eyes rested when my eyes scanned the green trees, I sat down on a wooden chair. The gate pulls open, expecting Gemma in her oversized baseball jersey and skinny jeans. Her arms were filled with grocery bags, standing up and gestured my arms to help her. I grabbed the bags, bringing it to the dinning room and have a cup of tea with her for a little while.

I put them on the cabinets, sighing over the stress going back to me again. I sat down on the stool, my hands grasped over my curls, trying to take the pressure away from my body as fast as I can. I groaned, Gemma realizing my condition of today. She gets intrigued, she begins to walk right in front of me. "You look so stress today, what's wrong?" She asks, basically worried. 

"Just pressure," I lay my head to the table. "Gem, can you give me water please?"

"Sure," she answers, getting up from the seat as she grabs a glass of water, putting it on the table as I take a large gulp of the liquid. My body is eventually relieved. 

"Thank you," I sigh and she smiles softly. 

"No big," she replies as I let her excuse for a while.

Leslie and I's sex, Taylor and I's kiss, Louis and I's argument and everything that is happening today…Is completely ruining my life. I felt like I'm a dissapointment to everyone, to every girl who was inspired by my talent and by my fame. They knew that I will always be the perfect boyfriend that they expect them to be, but I guess they were wrong…I'm a dumbass to everyone, basically the 'womanizer' in the band. I feel so sorry about myself, to the fans who was inspired. I feel guilty about my big mistakes that I've done. I don't know if I can still deserve that second chance, Diana gave me loads of chances, just to try my best to love her…But I ended up destroying that chance, destroying everything---her faith, her trust and her respect, which is unforgivable for her. Everybody knew that we're perfect for each other, that I can treat Diana better than words. However, I feel dissapointed about myself, I didn't grant that precious and important promise that I'm willing to come true to everybody else,  I was wrong…Wrong about everything. I am nothing but a life ruiner.

…

"Harry, get up," A voice filled my ears, obliging her instructions. "You just slept on the floor,"

"Mom…" I whispered as she helps me up from the cold floor. "How?" 

"You need to get to bed, Harry." She remarks. "You've been pressured for the whole day, I think you need to take a rest and forget about everything, honey." 

"But, is Louis okay?" I assure myself that he is okay right now.

"I haven't spoken to him yet, but I will give to you the news when there's the time to speak to him." She assures me. "So, get to sleep and have a rest." 

I oblige her, climbing to the stairs and hoping that I can reach my room by the flight of stairs that I will be climbing. 

I went to bed, tossing my shoes to the floor. Finding a cozy position, I curled up in a ball, my arms cuddled over the pillow, smelling Diana's scent that was left in this white pillow, flashbacks wandering over my mind. I felt myself smirk, hugging it tighter, as if Diana was breathing, living, alive and awake. 

"Mr. Styles, Diana is awake." The doctor announces, a grin glued around my lips that I can't hide. 

I run past him, getting inside Diana's room. I saw her awake, her eyes staring over the ceiling, didn't dare to make any movement. I look at her, her expression turned in to a confusing one. My smile faded, my eyebrow rose in curiosity. "Hey, Diana…" I dare to smile.