disconnected | gerard way

Chapter Fifty-Eight: When The Realization Hits And You Change It All

"Gerard I'll be fine. I'm just going to the cemetery for a bit, don't worry." I smiled softly at Gerard.

I guess I should explain the situation at hand, shouldn't I? Well let's see it's about...2:00pm-ish and I have been irritated all day. So I thought maybe a walk to the cemetery would be relaxing, of course due to my little episode last night and Gerard being Gerard he won't let me leave. Though I've told him many of times I can take care of myself, he doesn't believe me. Which I can't blame him, if my partner was crying about some guy who they found out was a vampire and been trying to get them last night and now want to go out alone I'd be hesitant too.

"Violet what if Andy shows up and hurts you." He argued with a twisted face.

"I thought you promised me he wouldn't 'lay a finger on me' last night. You promising me empty promises Gerard?" I asked with a small smirk.

To be quite honest I was getting fed up with this arguing but I don't want to snap at Gerard. So I just smiled and held back my urge to scream.

He rolled his eyes and took a deep sigh.

"Fine but please be back before dark." Gerard pleaded.

"Okay, okay." I said as I walked to the front door "Oh! And Gerard."

"Yes?" He asked gazing into my eyes.

"Tell Mikey to stay here this time." I smiled and slipped out the door.

The last thing I saw was Gerard with a puzzled expression but then looked like light bulbs turned on in his head.
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I walked down the dirty cement sidewalk that led to the cemetery.

I would've loved to take the car but Frank decided to see Hanna today which I was very upset he didn't tell me in advance of I would've tagged along. To be honest I don't even know who's car it is, hell I don't even know how the bills are paid. Maybe I'll ask the guys later...

As I entered the cemetery a vibe of uncomfortable-ness shivered down my body.

Well this isn't a good sign.

I continued on though, I walked down the different plots until I reached the one marked with my mom and dad's name. I sat down on the stone bench next to the tree that my parent's grave was placed under.

I don't even know when my dad got a grave, I don't know a lot of this. I'm really blind to most everything, hell I'm pretty sure Fiona knows more than me and that's saying something.

I looked over at the tree to see a crumpled on piece of paper, it was dirty, muddy and just plain disgusting. But being the curious person I am I picked it up. I slowly opened it, making some of the sides tear apart. Once opened a crudely drawn man with a dark hoodie and fangs was shown.

Wait.

Oh my god, no this isn't.

Bert...Bob...Gerard...oh my god.

I had drawn this when I first met Bob and Bert. And when I learned that Gerard was a vampire...good times.

Then it hit me.

I used to be that anti-social girl who would hang out in the woods and draw weird pictures. I was...normal at one time. I didn't know about vampires, or all this different demonic shit. I was barely bullied. I had my dad, a good relationship with Jacob.

I was normal.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I looked down at the piece of paper.

I just want that all back, I want to be normal again.

I placed my hand over my neck and felt a sting, which resulted in me crying even harder.

I refuse to believe the old me was actually me. There's no way that sweet and normal girl turned into this. A girl who feels like she's dreaming and playing a game everyday.

Hell if I could never get those days back I want it to be the beginning of Gerard and I's relationship. I would change so much if so.

I miss when I we first said 'I love you', I miss our first date, and I miss...everything...I miss it all.

I still love Gerard to death but everything has been different lately...are we growing apart?

No.

Violet you need to stop sitting here and feeling sorry for yourself. If you want something changed then get your ass up and go change it.

I confidently smiled to myself as I stood up and walked out of the cemetery. I walked down the sidewalks on a mission to get home.