DRABBLE COLLECTION

LOVING YOU [2/4]

He used to be a strong man. Rebellious, in fact. He had been a strong boy even, when he decided to spill the truth about his sexuality to his parents and subsequently getting disowned at the tender age of 15 just because he felt like it's not fair his bestfriend's all alone.

He'd never fallen down, not even once, even when he had to erase everything and start over.

Yes, he was a strong man.

But he was only strong because he was never alone. All his life, his bestfriend had been there with him every step of the way.

He was there when they boarded the train to Seoul without anything (not even anyone's blessings) but their little savings.

He was there when they had to sleep under the bridge when it rains, on the narrow bench in the cold park, and in between the dark alleys.

He was also there when they had to work their asses off doing any kind of job they can get just so they won't starve to death.

And he was there when they could finally afford a home, as shabby and inadequate as it was. But it was perfect because it belongs to the both of them.

And when he met Shim Changmin, he started getting even stronger. The strength Changmin gave him was a different one though. Changmin made him felt hope and with it come the courage that made him felt like he could overcome anything at all.

So, even when his bestfriend who'd always stayed with him through everything for years suddenly decided that he wanted to do something more and needed to leave, Jaejoong could still bade goodbye with a smile.

(Ignore the fact that he clung to Changmin the whole time they're at the airport because he needed to stop himself from saying stupid selfish things like Yunhoyah please don't leave me, I'll miss you so bad, can't you stay for me? and he cried like crazy for days after.) The reason he cried so long was because suddenly his bestfriend was distant. And no, he wasn't talking about the physical distance. Through the phone calls and emails, he could feel it. Jung Yunho was suddenly a stranger. And it hurts. It hurts so bad but Changmin was there and he survived the pain somehow. His bestfriend moved on. He should too.

Time passed and as he expected, their rare interaction dwindled into non-existent. Yunho never tried and Jaejoong finally stopped reaching out. But Jaejoong was okay. He was stronger and he was getting used to living a half life. Living without his bestfriend. Because surely Yunhoyah have his reasons.

But then a year ago, it happened.

Something that caused Jaejoong to stumble down and he can't get back up. Ever.

Jaejoong really felt like everything's destroyed the moment Changmin was suddenly gone. His perfect boyfriend for four years was no longer breathing, his reason for happiness all that time was no longer there.

And Jaejoong died too.

Because he was not a strong man anymore. There was nothing left for him. No family, no friend, no lover. Everything was taken away. Jaejoong lost everything and for once, he felt abandoned.

Unwanted.

Useless.

He can't even breathe without being hurt. Each breath he took was heavy and suffocating now. And he forgot how to smile, how to laugh. Can't even remember why he used to smile so happily, laugh so easily... How and why he was alive. All his reasons had disappeared.

And he was simply existing now.

Because only strong people live.

Jaejoong was not.

Never again.

Jaejoong slowly looked away from the crowd outside the cafe. For some reason, the cafe was empty and his eyes landed on the man in front of him. It had been weeks since he last saw him. For some reason, he seemed determined to make Jaejoong live again. "Yoochun-shi, why did you brought me here?"

Park Yoochun, Shim Changmin's cousin smiled. Jaejoong found himself thinking, if only they looked alike, maybe I would smile too. But maybe it'll only hurt more. "Someone wants to meet you, Jaejoong-shi."

"Who?"

"Me."

Yoochun was smiling at someone behind Jaejoong and he stopped breathing. His ears were ringing loudly but the sound can never compete with the familiar voice.

"I miss you Jaejoong-ah."

His vision slowly blurred. His chest tightened to the point that it hurts. He hit it, desperate to ease the pain.

"Jaejoong-shi!"

"Jaejoong-ah!"

"Yunhoyah?" He croaked, hand frozen on his chest. "You're...real?"

"Yes Jaejoong-ah, it's me. I'm back. I'm so sorry Jaejoong-ah, I'm so sorry."

Jaejoong was not strong. He was weak so he clutched at the man's hand, stopping him from wiping his tears and shakily confessed, "Yunhoyah, I'm so scared... I feel so lonely and alone and- Everyone's gone, Yunhoyah, and-"

"I'm so sorry Jaejoong-ah. I'm so sorry for leaving you. But I'm not going anywhere this time. Cry Jaejoong, cry as much as you want. I'm here. I'll never leave again."

In Yunho's embrace, Jaejoong did as he was told. He cried. He cried for the unforgivable family, the judgemental society, his returning one and only bestfriend but most of all, he cried for the forever lost lover.





But for once, after a very long time, he realized... it doesn't hurt as much to breathe.