Keep Quiet // Josh Dun (completed)

chapter thirty føur :: prøm "dead"lines

That night was the night that the words spoken between Nicole and Josh, I like you, stopped meaning something.

At least to Nicole.

"It's okay baby," Mr. Wyatt would comfort his daughter as she cried after Josh ditched her at the restaurant. "He doesn't deserve you."

"He just left me there!" Nicole had sobbed as she covered her eyes.

But it was now the second week of May, the date incident one week old. There was only a week and a half until prom.

Nicole refused to talk to Josh.

She had multiple outbursts in the middle of class, resulting in aggressive walks to the nurses office.

There was nothing worse to Nicole than when Josh had no idea what mental state she was in because she wouldn't give him the time of day.

When she got home, someone was sitting on the front steps.

It was Josh.

"What do you want?" Nicole asked as she walked up the driveway.

"A few minutes," Josh got up. "I wanna talk to you."

"I don't have anything to say." She pushed past him.

"Fine," Josh accepted. "Then I'll do all the talking."

Nicole shook her head. "I can't keep doing this."

"Just a few minutes. You can kick me out after that."

Nicole sighed in defeat. "No more than five minutes."

"Look," Josh said as he held the door open for her. "I'm sorry."

"I've heard that before." Nicole said as she dropped her back pack.

"Seriously," Josh said. "Tyler and I are done. No more recording. No more practicing for a while."

"So you automatically think that makes it okay?!"

"No but-"

"But what?" Nicole cut him off. "You missed everything. My birthday. Our big date. I sat waiting for two hours! In the rain!"

"I know I-"

"No you don't know! You don't know what it's like to be left behind like dirt on the bottom of a shoe by the person you love." Nicole spat out the word as if it was nothing.

"Babe," Josh said. "I know I messed up. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry doesn't fix any of these scars that are gonna be on my neck."

"So you're blaming that on me?" Josh pointed to himself.

"No I-" Nicole sighed. "That's not what I meant."

"Do you think we can work this out?" Josh asked.

"No." Nicole immediately rejected.

"Come on," Josh grabbed her arm. "We've been through too much together to just throw it all away over this."

"You say this like it's nothing."

"I know I messed us up so much," Josh admitted. "But I wanna try again because I like you so much."

"Like?" Nicole looked at him.

Josh shook his head. "So much more than like."

"I don't know if I can do this anymore." She bit her cheek as she spoke.

"Nic," Josh said. "We at least have to try. I don't wanna end my senior year off like this."

"If things like this keep going on, I'm not sure if I'm gonna make it to graduation." Nicole clenched her jaw.

Josh frowned as he grabbed her hand. "I want you to make it past graduation. With or without me. But I wanna finish this off with you."

"The school year?"

Josh was hesitant, but he nodded.

"I-I don't even know." Nicole responded.

"Know what?"

"What I want," she placed her hand on the side of her neck and began rubbing it. She didn't even noticed she began doing that. "Where I wanna go. Who I wanna go with. I have no idea."

"That's just it," Josh told her. "I really wanna help you get through that. I wanna be here for you when you get the urges to go at your neck," Josh grabbed her wrist and remove her hand from her neck. "I don't want you to go through this without a support system."

"I have my dad." Nicole said.

"But there are so many other people who wanna help," Josh replied. "Me, Tyler, Jenna. Even my mom is worried."

"I don't even know how much I can give you." Nicole's voice cracked.

"Time."

"But I don't even know if I can make it to graduation."

"Prom. Give me up until prom. If you don't want to be with me, break up with me." Josh instructed her.

"I wanna be with you," Nicole said. " I just think that I'm too needy for you to handle with the band. We make plans and they always get cancelled because of it."

"You have every right to be needy right now," Josh assured her. "You were just diagnosed with a life altering condition. I should've been there for you."

Nicole covered her mouth to stop sobs from escaping. She wasn't exactly sure why she was crying, but she knew that she felt as if she wasn't enough for Josh. She felt like he always left her because he didn't want her.

"Can you give me until prom?" Josh asked.

Nicole nodded. "Yes. I'll give you until prom."

Josh pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. "I'm right here baby. I'm gonna be here as long as you need."

But was that really true?