Keep Quiet // Josh Dun (completed)

chapter twenty twø :: glazed eyes and empty hearts

HERES YOUR UPDATE BUT GUESS WHAT - I DIDN'T WRITE IT!

I mean, of course I helped edit it and all but the user who wrote all of this chapter was camisadun

SO GO FOLLOW HER AND READ HER STUFF BECAUSE SHES PRETTY RAD

ok now enjoy this hurtful chapter.

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( please listen to song attached because it sets the mood pretty well )

Missing him, the way he smelt, the way his hands felt, the way his lips curled on certain words, everything from the shape of his finger tips to the way his eyes changed color in different lightings, was out of the question ever since the last two weeks of January rolled around. Those weeks came, and suddenly he left, and Nicole grew a little feeling in her chest that burnt more and more everyday. Walking home after the fight, she felt like she was on fire. She had let that fire out on Ashley that day, as well, but she didn't feel the slightest bit remorseful for what she did.

That fire is what got her back into anger management. That fire most likely pissed Josh off too. The smoke is still in the air between them, which is why she was too scared to even think about him.

She worried too much. That was an understatement. But in all, she was actually too scared to let her mind travel on the railroad tracks that lead to him, because she knew that she would break. But she had to hold on because even though the anger management classes feel like hell, she knew for a fact that mental hospitals were even worse. She knew that her dad wasn't scared to send her there if that's what he felt like she needed.

There was a new teacher than there was last time she attended. He was nice though and anger management wasn't as much of a nightmare as it previously was. The only nightmare Nicole got wasn't even in her head when she slept. It was real life and it was the fact that she ached for Josh so badly. Because despite all he had said to her, she knew deep down that it wasn't true and she knew that he needed her just as much as she needed him.

Days were still cold, but the snow turned to rain, and Nicole cursed the weather for appealing to her emotions so well. She tried to stay undercover most of the time at school, not bothering to even go to lunch. She knew that Josh would've been there so she just sat in the handicap stall of the bathrooms. It was the only place she could hide. She knew Josh probably would've gone to the auditorium, but she didn't mind. It was his spot in the first place.

Right now, she wonders what Josh is thinking. What he was thinking when he said those words. She wonders if he's still depressed; she hasn't spoken to him in over three weeks. She misses his little dimples in his smile, the crinkles by his eyes, the freckles on his back and shoulders, the little pink ducktails on the back of his head. She missed his voice, she missed the moments they had together, just everything.

It hurt more than anything.

A knock on her bedroom door startled her. She looked to her right, to the alarm clock on her bedside table.

"Nicole, what are you still doing up?" Her dad asked her. He squinted at the light on in her room, but his face fell at the sight of her, sitting up against the headboard of her bed. She was crying, softly and quietly.

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep." She lied quietly.

Her father sighed. "Why are you crying?" He asked.

"I'm not. I'm fine. I'm going to bed right now." She told him quickly, lying down and turning on her side, her back facing her dad. She had wondered why he even asked the question. It was kind of obvious. She wondered if he noticed the bottle prozac that sat in the medicine cabinet wasn't going to need a refill anytime soon. Because she had stopped taking them. She stopped taking care of herself.