We All Have Daddy Issues (Max Green)

Lay The Blame On Luck

Lay The Blame On Luck

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. I can hear some aweful sound to my left. To my right, I can hear Ronnie singing. Monte and Max are in front of me, further away, though, having a conversation.

"And she just passed out." Monte said.

"Girls don't just pass out. Ronnie, was she drinking or doing drugs at all last night?" Max asks. He sound pissed off.

Ronnie stopped singing. Shit, I thought, I like that song. "You were the last one to talk to her, and then she went to go find Brian. Before that she was with me, and all we did was talk." He responded, thinking very carefully about what had happened. I can't open my eyes. I think the doctors gave me too much of the drugs. I too thought back to when Ronnie and I were talking. It was about my Anorexia. Shit, please don't tell anyone. You promised.

"And before that she was with me." Monte said.

"She doesn't just pass out for no reason. Ronnie what did you give her?" I can't see any of this, but i'm pretty sure Max stood up and walked angrily over to Ronnie who was by my bed side.

"The fuck man, why do I have to be the one who gave it to her? How do I know it wasn't you?" Ronnie defends himself.

"Her heart stopped beating. What drug does that? Think Ronnie, think. Cocaine does that. What drugs do the people we hang around do? Cocaine. And I wasn’t with anybody who does that." Max hit the bed really hard and I squeezed my eyes even more shut, tightly.

"Neither was I! We were in the hallway. Alone, just talking. I didn't give her anything." Ronnie said. I feel bad. I'm the reason they are fighting. It's my fault Max! I have really fucked up ways of eating. Then I hear the door open. It was Robert.

"It wasn't drugs." He said slowly. Ronnie help me. I scream on the inside.

"Robert, don't." Ronnie said, he was trying to protect me. He's been really sweet and really caring, even if it pissed me off when he called me out on my ED.

"She-" Robert tried to go on, but Ronnie cut him off.

"She didn't want anyone to know. Shut up." He said angrily.

"To know what?" Max and Monte said simultaneously in a confused tone.

"Her heart stopped beating because she stopped eating." I saw Robert glared and Ronnie. Yes, saw. I finally was able to open my eyes. The tension in the air was so thick you could bottle it up and sell it. Nobody noticed me.

"You knew that? You didn't try to fix it? She could have of died, Ronnie. It would be your fault." Max said, still pissed but now for a different reason.

This is where I don't keep silent anymore. It's not anyone's fault but my own. "No, lay the blame on me. It's my fault." I said. Dramatically, everyone looks around at me. My only four friends in the entire world now think I’m pathetic.

"Hello sunshine." Monte said, smiling at me.

"Sorry." Ronnie says with a sad smile.

"Hey stranger." Crash laughs lightly at me.

"What the hell did you do?" Max is the only one who took this seriously; though I wish he didn't at all. He looks at our friends and glares at them to go away.

"It's what I didn't do." I said bitterly in a sarcastic manner.

"Don't try to be cute. I was worried about you. Ask Robert, I was freaking out.

"I believe you." I said.

"Why?"

"Why what?" I asked, hoping he’d just say ‘Oh never mind.’