We All Have Daddy Issues (Max Green)

A Whole River Of Dysphoria-Induced Tears

A Whole River Of Dysphoria-Induced tears.

I have lived in Vegas for two months, and it would seem that in that two months I have not mapped out the city very well. I need someone who would know all of the bars in the entire city. The guys would know that.

“It’s not that hard, just pick up the phone and call them. Sure you may have had sex with the bass player, but it’s ok. You’ll do just fine.” I reassured myself several times before I was able to press CALL on my phone.

Ringing.

Ringing.

“Hello?” It was Ronnie.

“So guess what I just did.” I laughed.

“Oh alright. What?” He said confused.

“I got fired!” I said mockingly of my boss.

“Fuck I’m sorry.”

“And as you may have noticed, I have an apartment. I kind of need a new job. So I was wondering if one of you guys could show me every bar you know, because you surely know Vegas well. I’m sort of new here still.”

“Oh yeah sure. Lucky you called today and not yesterday. We were at practice. We have news too.”

“What would that be?” I asked.

“We won the My Chemical Romance radio contest. We’re opening for them at one of their gig’s!”

“Oh my god that’s fucking awesome, guys! I’m so excited for you. Now I really need a job so I can buy a ticket...” I mumbled the last part.

“Yeah.”

“So about the whole Max thing…”

“What about it?”

“I remembered what happened last night. Turns out that when I try to fix a hangover with more alcohol I end up a bit drunk and able to remember what happened. If that’s not weird.”

“Oh it is.” He laughed.

“So yeah, I rememberedthat I fell off a table onto Robert. That Max and I, we, you know… and that I did a lot of cocaine, which I don’t know where the rest of it went. My only questions are why did you tell Max last night that I’d be mad if I knew we had sex? Why are you guys so stupid, because I heard the whole conversation from my drunken state? And why did you tell me when you told Max not to say anything?”

“So you’re not mad that you guys-”

“NO.” I emphasized.

“I felt really bad. I told him not to tell you but then I figured that you’d find out so I told you… I was trying to help I guess. I just fucked up a whole lot more didn’t I?”

“Yes. So here’s how you fix it and not get your ass chewed out by your best friend. Tell him that you talked to me today about taking me around the city, and how I mentioned that I remembered what happened last night. Tell him he needs to tell me that we had sex, and I’ll act like I didn’t know when he tells me. Ok?”

“You know, you really are fucking awesome.” Ronnie laughed.

“I keep getting that.”

“You make my best friend happy, you’re really hot, and I can’t help but notice how smart you are.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I didn’t know better I’d say you liked me too.” I joked.

“Truth is that I do, I think my jealousy may have put me in this little mess.” He said this very sweetly.